Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Lost

During these past few weeks, I've realized that I feel a bit lost... it's not a bad kind of "lost" -- just one that if not addressed and attended to, I could become bitter at my current role in life.  Which I do NOT want to do.  I struggled with this when I was first married and had a whole new role added to "Me."  It was daunting trying to figure out what was expected of "Me."  And I find the same is true with becoming a mother.  Both of these roles, I cherish.  When I was 18 years old, I never, ever thought I would be married... and I never thought I would have children... And I recognize those two blessings... despite the fact that I whig out a bit at change.  Okay, whig out a bunch at change.  I do seriously get petrified sometimes.

But at this point, I feel so lost because I've been so down in my body for 23 weeks... and I've got 17 more to go in this pregnancy.  I won't complain about the pain I am feeling because I know that for every refluxed moment, baby's just kicked the crap out of me... and that makes me smile.  The morning sickness, the nausea... are all working together for an amazing miracle (now, there's a sermon right there).

So I've vowed to find myself again in some things that I LOVE to do... since I can't sing for a bit (sciatic nerve pain), I've turned to painting and to Star Wars and to discovering new music and books (which I am working to find time to do for that last one)... so here's my latest art piece as a Christmas present to my hubby.


I am finding the fine art of confessing my fears to the Lord about this time of my life and allowing Him to minister to me through my friends and church and family and music... yes, it hurts... yes, the past month of my life has been filled with a ton of inconveniences (which adds more worry and fears)... but He is near and I am at peace...

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Thanksgiving Tree

I'll admit straight off in this blog that holidays are particularly difficult for me.  And for lots of different reasons that I don't really want to dredge up right this minute.  So having a son who is ALL about the holidays... well, it is forcing me to get over my hang-ups so that he can have a good time.  Halloween this year was really enjoyable for him and he is getting super-excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up...

But the last two weeks in the Williamson household have been full of circumstances that have not been convenient and are most certainly worrisome.  We are down to one vehicle which is hard with us working the split-schedule that we do... a beloved family member is ill and in the hospital... and loads of other worries piling on top of the other...

But on Friday, we went to an ultrasound appointment to have a routine check on baby boy and were informed that all is well with him.  We breathed a deep sigh of relief and on the way home, started counting all the things we had to be thankful for. 

So I have this idea and we are starting a new tradition in the Williamson household-- I put up my little Christmas tree this afternoon with no lights and no ornaments... every night we are going to name something we are thankful for... and we are going to write those things on index cards and tuck the cards away in the branches of the tree.  That way, as we approach the end of the year, we are careful to pause and be cognizant of our blessings... even when it may seem that we are cursed. 

Praise the LORD, my soul;
   all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul,
   and forget not all his benefits—
Psalm 103: 1-2