summer

this summer was....

interesting...

and fun.

and cathartic.

so. carhartic.

I participated in a Bible study at my church (so good)! We camped at the beach (so adventurous)! We did can outreach at my church (so amazing)! And we visited my family in MS (so much love)!

The recurring theme for me was addressing some new fears that had sprung up for me. I didn’t really see Fear come walking in the door and make himself at home. He often invited his cousin Chaos and Anger tagged along. And threw his soda cans on the ground and left a sticky trail of candy... just acted like this was his frat house. 

Well this summer I realized the Lord doesn’t want me to live with fear. Or chaos. Or anger. 

So I evicted him.

He’s been at the door of my heart trying to get back in but I’m sending him packin’. 

Another thing I realized:

being present 

is more important than 

being perfect

I found I was holding back because I was scared of messing up. This summer I realized I just needed to jump.

Our camping trip was less than perfect but, man, did we have fun! 

Our puppets and popsicles outreach may not have been perfect but we were able to connect with the kids in the neighborhood of our church.

I probably stuck my foot in my mouth a lot at Bible study but I was able to connect with new and old friends.

I know my future is full of mistakes and moments where I’ll stick my foot in my mouth... but I’m gonna try to focus more on being present instead of being perfect.

to my 16 year old self

to my 16 year old self:

i remember you

i remember the hours i stood before the mirror squandered hours wishing to be blue eyed and blond haired and sized 8

i remember feeling so low there was no looking up

i remember momma saying pretty is as pretty does

but the world was contradictory

in awarding the pretty over me

...{at least that’s what it looked like to me}

but as time wears on

i realize that the most beautiful faces are 

those that wear kindness on their brows and peace on their lips...

the most beautiful are those that wear love on their hands and healing in their words...

if I could free you from the chains of doubt I would

but you must do that yourself

I only wish that you had learned sooner to gaze into the eyes of the One who loves you most

to see your reflection there

you’d smash this worldly mirror and run from that place of doubt 

and you’d jump in that River of Grace sooner

and

be

free