seasons

About the time Hero was born, Heath felt the calling on him to be ordained as an Elder in the Free Methodist Church (the denomination of Christ Community Church where we attended). I freaked (aren't you surprised?) because I could not imagine myself as a pastor's wife.

But God knew what He was doing and Heath is officially a children's televangelist with Heath and the Checker Shoe Band... and honestly, it still makes me giggle that I'm the Reverend Mrs. Heath Williamson.  I mean, the moment Heath was ordained, I was too in a sense... and that experience is beyond explanation. But I'm still me... and God's still God...

These past few years have not really rolled out like I envisioned. But you are not surprised.... if you know me at all, you know how hard plot twists are for me. Hank's autism and adhd diagnosis was NOT in the plans, people. Being down in my body since 2014: not in the plans. MY plans.... not in MY plans...

So I've struggled with that. I've wanted to do ministry outside of Heath and the Checker Shoe Band but having to minister to my family and myself took precedence. And I struggled with that. 

I want to sing on the worship team.

I want to teach a children's church class.

I want to lead VBS.

I want to write.

I want to paint.

But the pause button had been hit. And I've been angry. And sad. And despondent. 

The shutdowns that's resulted from COVID has made me realize that there are seasons to life... and that's okay... 

Flowers have a time to grow from the soil, shine in their blooms and then fall away for a time. 

No one despises the flower for doing what the flower is meant to do.

And yet, we despise each other for cycling through seasons.

Ecclesiastes 3: There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.

So, do not despise the season you are in, Beloved. Look for the work you are meant to do and let the Lord do the rest. 

abandon vs. surrender

So during this COVID season, I am trying really hard to keep my cool and look for the upside of all this... I'm not gonna lie: being in a small house with 4 other people, trying to work and be mom all at the same time.... it's exhausting... and overwhelming.... and when I get exhausted and overwhelmed, well... I snap. My nickname isn't Mr. Furious for nothing....

I sat at my kitchen table this morning with a cup of coffee, my journal, and Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. Not because I'm a super Christian. But because I desperately miss going to church every Sunday. And, of course, today's entry was just what I needed. From Matthew 6:25... "do not worry about your life..." "Don't take the pressure of your provision upon yourself..."

The last line struck me though:

"The greatest word of Jesus to His disciples is abandon."

Y'all know that I love words- one of the reasons I became a speech therapist... so it struck me that Chambers chose to say "abandon" instead of "surrender."

"Surrender" brings to my mind an old western with the masked gunman demanding innocent bystanders to "put 'em up" while he robs the stage coach. "Surrender" conjures up ideas of "giving up unwillingly."

But the word "abandon".... well... that makes me think of something more adventurous! As if it's my choice all along to give up on everything this world is demanding of me and jump headlong into the River of His grace and love and float there... all day... without a care in the world... 

Now balancing this while being asked to be mother and SLP working from home all at the same time... well, I'm practicing how to make that all work... and I'm thankful for the grace and love my men show me every single day. 

I think I like the idea of "abandon" over the idea of "surrender"... I mean, I know really it's splitting hairs on the meanings of the words... but as I abandon the pressures and worries, I think "the things of this earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His Glory and Grace."