I was a junior in college.
The only "real" boyfriend I ever had broke up with me months before.
He had told me that he wanted to marry me.
I bought in to his "I love you"-s and talk of marriage.
He was a good guy- just not the right one for me.
I always felt that we were in our first date- tense and guarded. I could never relax around him- I wanted so much for him to love me.
After all those months of being single again, I was okay being alone and was prepped that being alone was all I'd ever be. I was okay with that.
But Valentine's Day-- February 14 got a bad rap. It didn't want to be Valentine's Day anymore than I wanted to sit in class and listen to the girls talk about their dates that night.
It was early and I was driving to the university. I had to take a different route to school because I used to pass him on the road each morning. I was careful to take the new route that day.
I was listening to Tonic. And I was praying for God to help me through the day. "If you could only see" came on. And it was like God was singing it to me.
I had struggled for so long accepting God's love for me and in that moment, I got it- that He thought I was beautiful and He loved me. Just because. No good reason.
I thought about His death on the Cross. He did that for me. Who would die for someone He didn't love and find lovely?
