At this point, you three are almost 7, 2 and 5 months old. Our time together is going by fast and I do everything I can do to store up these memories of your childhood.
I keep thinking of the days when you will transition into manhood. And I want to make that transition as easy as possible for you. This isn't typically an easy time. Moms freak out; dads sull up.
And I've been trying to understand why. Why is this so hard to let go? This is supposed to happen.
I've been praying and thinking and I think I know why this happens:
the world is so scary and there will come a point where I can't defend you anymore.
And what am I supposed to do with that? I mean the very idea of some girl breaking your heart or some guy trying to bully you just makes me see red. It makes me want to fight.
I've been praying and thinking and I think I know why this happens:
the world is so scary and there will come a point where I can't defend you anymore.
And what am I supposed to do with that? I mean the very idea of some girl breaking your heart or some guy trying to bully you just makes me see red. It makes me want to fight.
But I won't be able to.
And that makes me mad.
And that makes me mad.
As you walk into the school building to first grade to a new teacher... as you run away from me at the zoo... as you crawl and reach for things that will hurt you...
So what am I to do?
What can I do?
Well, I can't stop this process from happening. I can't keep you little.
But I can...
What can I do?
Well, I can't stop this process from happening. I can't keep you little.
But I can...
I can teach you to fight for yourself.
I can introduce you to the One who heals all your hurts.
I can pray for you.
I can trust that God will honor my dedicating you at the altar when you were a baby.
The truth is people will make comments about your growing up so fast but that will make you feel guilty for doing so. But it's really a lament that as you get older, it's more difficult to protect you. And that makes us sad. And mad. And scared.
But now I am not so mad or sad or scared because if we have Jesus on our side, then everything's gonna be alright. I have to trust that He has His angels protecting you and that the shed blood of Jesus intervenes on your behalf. I have to trust that God is already in tomorrow ahead of you three.
So I am preparing myself for the day you grow up and move out. I know I will cry and you will just have to give me that. Change is hard for me. You each are so precious to me and I thank God for the privilege to be your mommy. I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.
Love,
Mommy
(Buffy)
