2013 in Review –or- “The year of the Fishes and Loaves”

I love New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  After Easter, it has to be my favorite holiday.  Just the whole ritual of putting away the Christmas decorations is very symbolic of putting away the previous year and striving to be better and do better in the coming year.

Heath and I have dubbed 2013 “The Year of the Fishes and Loaves.” 

We started the year with the hope that we would be able to be at a financial point where we would be more freed from our regular jobs to focus on the “Heath and the Checker Shoe Band Show.”  That didn’t happen.  At all.  We desperately wanted to be able to put more time into the show: the writing, the filming, contacting more television stations, contacting churches…  But instead the Lord looked at us and said, “What’s that you have in your hand?” 

“Not much, Lord… just some fishes and loaves…”  And we handed those off to Him.  We were at a place where there was nothing left for us to do, but do what we could… which didn’t seem like much…

In the meantime, we went on a wonderful marriage retreat at Callaway Gardens.  We renewed our commitment to each other and to the life that God’s called us to. We went to work… took Hero to school… watched Brick grow into toddlerhood.  Life could get mundane if we let it, but we didn’t.   We got attacked by the enemy.  We just kept looking to the Lord for provision.  Every day, I kept praying, “here’s my fishes and loaves, Lord.  Give me strength to run the race set before me.”

On May 25, while at work, I get this text message from my husband, “DID YOU KNOW THAT WE HAVE BEEN ON DIRECT TV AND DISH FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW?????”

“what was that?”

“The t.v. show has been on CTN’s satellite station for a FEW WEEKS NOW!!!!  I just found out today”

“what???”

I burst into tears… we had no idea.  We had done nothing much more than what we had been doing.  And suddenly, people all over the nation now had the chance to be flipping through the channels to hear the Gospel being preached by my husband and his puppets.  Woh.  The weight of that has yet to be lost on us. 

So Avery and Heath kept working.  Kept filming.  And they are.  Still working.  Still planning.  Avery’s going to a workshop at Seasame Street in February.   And they planned out new shows.  Nothing has happened as we had supposed.  But everything's happened as it should. 

2013 was also the year of surprises.  I was completely surprised to find that we are expecting our 3^rd son in March 2014.  Of course, this Much Afraid panicked at the news at first, but then I remembered that the Lord would provide and take care of him and of us.  I am still leaning on that promise of the Lord.  

So as I am in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I continue to pray for His provision and strength… for a safe delivery and a healthy newborn… for continued blessings on Hero and Brick… for strength and creative inspiration for Heath… for protection for us all in our finances and in our bodies…

I gave up resolutions a long time ago… but instead here’s this:

When thinking of new years resolutions: "Resolution One: I will live for God. Resolution Two: If no one else does, I still will." -Jonathan Edwards

I have prayers this year instead of resolutions.  I keep praying.  Because as my weaknesses become more and more exposed to me, His strength and provision become more and more evident. 

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This Hillsong United Song is my anthem for 2014:   http://youtu.be/eLqTZ07ja7g 

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

[x6]

I will call upon Your Name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

After Christmas

"It's Jesus' birthday all month long?!"

Today, on the way to church, my oldest son asked me a bajillion times when Christmas Day was. "Tomorrow?"

"No."

"Next week?"

"No.  In 25 days," I said, "today is the day we start the party for Jesus' birthday!  We get to party for the next 25 days!"

In his 6 year old excitement, I heard, "YES!!!!!  A party ALL month long for JESUS' birthday??!!!  Cake and ice cream EVERY DAY??!!"

Color me convicted.

I started this blog over about five times.  Christmas isn't the easiest time of year for everyone.  Some people swallow their grief and ignore it.  Some people drink it away.  I am lucky that I can be nostalgic without it putting me in the bed.  I don't want the reasons for my grief to get overshadowed by today's revelation.

But, wow...  Isn't that what Christmas is really about?  It's Jesus' birthday party for a solid month.  I was glad that I explained the symbolism of the lights and tree yesterday as we set it all up.  And you will forgive me if we ditch Santa another year as I tell my kids that the presents under the tree on Christmas Day represent the gift of Jesus...  Not just His life to be sacrificed for our sins but the gifts that He gives us all year long: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control....

I hope we can all catch a bit of Hero's excitement about Jesus' birthday party...

30 days of thankful

What I love most about being on the worship team at church is that it really drives me back to dwelling on what I am thankful for and away from what’s annoying me…  I am super bummed that Thanksgiving plans changed, but I am thankful that my grandmother is healing after a fall.  But I do have much to be thankful for… Here’s just 30 of the 10,000 reasons I have to be thankful…

For the month of November, here’s a short list of what I’m thankful for (and in no particular order)

1. Jesus: His death on the Cross gives me a relationship with Him.  Through that relationship, I find a lot of peace.
2. Heath:  my knight in shining armor coming to Hattiesburg on a hot August night in 1999 to play a punk rock show… we met… we had a long distance relationship… he asked me to marry him… 13 years later, he still lets me speak my mind and loves me anyway.
3. Hero:  my firstborn- his middle name means healer.  I’ve made a lot of mistakes with him, but he brings me to a place of healing and reconciling my issues.  He is creative and funny and loves as deep as I do.
4. Brick:  my sunshine- he gives the best snuggles and can dance his bootie off
5. new Baby:  already kickin’ and raisin’ cain… my kinda kid
6. my momma: introduced me to Christ and continues to point me back to Him
7. my job:  my job is hard, but I love being a Speech Therapist.  Communication is such a great gift and I am happy to facilitate that for children and their families.
8. modern medicine:  it’s awesome to be able to go to the pharmacy and buy something to feel better
9. the grocery store:  so thankful we can go to the grocery store and get food!!
10. markers, paints and paper: so many endless possibilities!
11. Turner Classic Movie Channel:  I LOVE old movies- I love how they talked and dressed- I love how the stories always end with the bad guy having to face the consequences- I love how they kissed and could imply all kinds of naughty things, but I never have to see it.
12. my van: super thankful for my van that I’ve nicknamed “Leviathan.”  It’s huge and useful
13. my mentors: where would I be without the women who take time to email me back with prayers and advice even though they are miles and miles away?
14. my Bible: such peace and hope
15. my Barris Offee/Luminara statue: Heath bought this Star Wars statue for me for one of our wedding anniversaries.  Two of my favorite female Jedi.
16. my hair dresser: she takes this mop of crazy curls and makes it look good
17. Perrier water: what would I do without Perrier water during my pregnancies?  Helps with the reflux to much
18. my bed: I have such a comfortable bed and I am thankful for it.
19. my grandmother:  she has always had my back praying for me
20. my aunt Susie: understands me and is my biggest cheerleader
21. my Pa: gave me wings to fly- he hasn’t gone entirely- when I get down, I hear his words in my ears and I have the strength to go on
22. movies/television shows that teach me a lesson:  there’s so many really
23. Vicks VapoRub and peppermit oil: I know that I’m like the dad on My Big Fat Greek Wedding is about windex, but it’s true- all my sinus issues are cleared up with vapo rub and/or peppermint
24. Music and the gift of singing: I have had a lot of people compliment my singing, but I really must stop to thank people for letting me sing… I get so much satisfaction out of it and I make a connection with God that I can’t describe.
25. My friends: from bypassing conventional greetings on the phone to get straight to the point of my rant to sending me cookies from hundreds of miles away—I have some great friends.
26. My messy home: my house is small and messy and I like it like that.
27. Summer break:  I’m thankful to have a job that I have the summer off to make memories with my boys
28. Bubbles: they are just magical- and gets any screaming child to stop and smile
29. Fantasy in Lights : so beautiful and a big part of our holiday traditions
30. Coffee: after breathing, I have to have coffee to get my day going.

                                                                  

I could go on and on.  I have much to be thankful for.

The Theology of the Walking Dead

Okay, so maybe some of you are offended that I watch The Walking Dead.  I, like the rest of America, got sucked in -- halfway through the second season when the group was hunkered down at Herschel's farm with his family.  If I were a preacher, I could use each of these circumstances as an illustration during a sermon.  Maybe one day I will be a preacher.  Right now, I'm preaching to myself mostly.  I am in serious need of a pep talk... which is why I have a whole other blog called "Please excuse me while I give myself a pep talk"... maybe I need to merge these two blogs??  Forgive me, I feel really ADHD during this second trimester of with my third child.

Alrighty then… here we go:

Rick: woke up in a haze - his world was turned upside down - took forever to find his family - when he did, his white picket fence had been mowed over by zombies.  His wife and son were safe, but they were thrust into a new world where the rules were different and no one knew what was going on.  Sometimes circumstances of our lives feel like this--

-- The Leader Rick:  since Rick was a sheriff, it was natural that he fell into a leadership role.  But that came with compromises and actions that he regretted (much like the sin we find ourselves entangled in!).

--post-Governor Rick:  the first episode of this season shows a Rick who can't get past his mistakes (like us with our sins) and past the loss of his wife (like us when we grieve).  This is causing him (and causes us) difficulty making sound decisions (following Crazy Irish Lady to her husband in the woods) and difficulty getting to a point where he can be in the fight.

Laurie:  stupid, stupid Laurie... should have had child protective services called on her...  her mothering skills left much to be desired.  Carl went and is going down a bad path because of her lack of parenting skills...  I have nothing good to say  so.... yeah... moving on...

Shane:  selfish Shane- once the apocalypse hit, he was in self-preservation mode.  His selfishness was his demise.

Carol: lost her daughter – could totally play the victim card – instead she is teaching the young girls how to defend themselves against attack – awesome, resilient – learning from her past and moving forward

Daryl:  starts out a scum-bag... now walking around with angel wings on his leather jacket!!  I mean, seriously, if Daryl isn't your favorite, I don't know if we can be friends!  ;)  He is so much like us as Christians!  He has a checkered crazy past.  Crazy family member that he wants to get away from but can't help but want to help him.  He could go down so many dark rabbit holes if he let himself.  He's got tons of reasons to grieve- people that he's lost- no idea about what's going to happen next-
but that joker fights... he doesn't give up.  Zombies rain down from the ceiling- Bad Boy is NOT going to let them take him down... 

isn't that a vision of the world we go out into every day? 

We leave our homes (their prison) to go out to make money (like they do going out trying to get provisions).  We get slammed on all sides spiritually and physically speaking (like the zombie attacks).  Sometimes we are like that new guy who grabs at the wine bottle (our temptations) and attracts trouble because we take a moment to dabble in it (the zombies being alerted).  Then the unprepared newbie gets taken down because he gets cocky.

Like Daryl and Carol: we should always be prepared for attack – the Bible says to put on the WHOLE armor of God…  that the enemy roams around the earth like a lion seeking whom he may devour…  be wise as serpents, innocent as doves…  fasten your seatbelts… it’s gonna be a bumpy 4^th season, y’all.

renewal smells like lavender and peppermint or "killing two birds with one stone"

Hubby and I had the privilege to attend a marriage retreat that my church sponsored this past weekend.  We did not have pre-marital counseling so much of what we've learned in these first 12 years of marriage has been trial and error or what he learned while attending college in his counseling classes.  And what we learned this weekend... well, it just solidified what we've got and smoothed out the edges for some of our rough spots... not that some of the issues have disappeared, but just learning how to better deal with them... I love that he is giving me extra kisses on the cheek and extra hugs... it seems like during this season of our life with our little bitties where time for each other is at a premium, those extra hugs and kisses mean a lot to me.  

So I've been thinking about those extra hugs and kisses and how my firstborn boy reacts when he sees us hug or kiss:  "EEEEWWW!!!!  GROSS!!!!  STOP IT!!!!"  And he physically tries to get in between us.  (we've put a stop to that since coming back from the retreat)

But I realize now that he needs to see us being affectionate towards each other.  How is he going to learn about marriage and how to treat his wife if he doesn't see how a godly husband should treat his wife?  

The realization that he is growing up is all too real for me.  My second-born's first birthday is in just a few days... Life is moving fast... and I am blessed that they are growing normally... but I need to make sure that I am attending to my relationship with my husband because:

1.  my boys need to see a healthy, godly marriage in action

2.  one day, they won't be living with us anymore... and when they leave, we will be left with each other... he doesn't need to be a stranger to me nor does he need to be resentful towards me for putting the boys before him.  
And maybe you will disagree with me on that last point - it should go without saying that with an infant and young sons, their physical and emotional needs have to be attended to... but my marriage has needs that have to be attended to as well.  

It's like my marriage is a garden... before kids, I just had that little spot to attend to... but with kids, it's like my garden has expanded... and I have to hoof it to make sure all the plots are well cared for... I can't neglect my husband just because I have my two kids to care for.  I mean, things have definitely changed for us as a married couple, but we've got to be intentional about caring for our marriage.  My hubby likes to say "we need to do some preventative maintenance."  As a child of divorced parents, I agree.    

okay so to end with some random thankful notes:

I am really thankful for Pandora radio:  The Trampled by Turtles/Mumford & Sons station that I created is amazing... between the chuck of the mandolins and the rides on the banjos, I have gotten into a groove and pumped out a couple of reports that were standing before me like the Great Wall of China.  I still have more to do, but I'm getting through it with the help of the music and God's good grace....  I am super thankful for a wonderfully dry ride on these rainy days we've had lately.... I am thankful for the discovery of the lovely aroma when lavender and peppermint are mixed...  these scents were the pervasive scent at the retreat.  Renewal smells like lavendar and peppermint.  I am thankful for my husband's suggestion to go to the marriage retreat and that he still wants to spend time with me after these 12 years.  

I hope that we all find a time of renewal and refreshment in this busy season.

anniversarys

I don't know the plural for "anniversary."  All I know is that they suck.  For me, they kick my spiritual rear end.  I can tell you the date and almost the time that tragedies have stuck me.  For the ones that hit a long time ago, the scar is still on my spiritual DNA and although I'm not in the bed over it, I do get a twinge of memories and sadness.  Others are still super-fresh.  Like this one.  I miss my Pa so much still.  I can still hear his voice.  I can still smell his smell.

So does this make me a bad Christian because I'm not completely healed of this one?  Maybe.  But I don't think so.  I've come to a place where I believe that feeling negative feelings are just that: feelings.  And God's not peering at me over His gigantic glasses, "tsk"-ing me at my unbelief and my inability to let go.  He's wrapping His gigantic arms around me...

So I'm holding on tight to His grace and mercy as these tears continue to flow.  Lord, help me.

Why I Sing

One of the greatest joys I have in my life is being a part of the worship team at Christ Community.  This is what worship means to me:

1:  singing on a Sunday morning is not some way to satisfy an unfulfilled dream… singing worship – no matter where I am – connects me to the Lord in a way that takes the focus off of me and on to where it should be:  His Lordship and Sovereignty…. Thus dispelling all the enemy’s attacks on my fragile mind.

2:  Oswald Chambers said, “Worship is giving God the best that He can given to you.”    

Worship is my modern-day sacrifice.

3:  before I had Heath and my boys, I felt like there were times that I didn’t have much to worship about… and yet, the fact that Jesus died for my sins… well, that often took me to my knees.

4:  it’s ah-mazing to be up there on the stage, take my ear buds out and hear 700 people blowing my face off singing to the Lord…  it’s an incredible feeling to be in that seat during the worship time…. Helps me know that I am not alone in my walk with the Lord or my struggles.

5:  for all the wonderful blessings in my life

6:  for all the “even through the valley of the shadow of death, You are with me” times of my life

Hallelujah… I’ll sing a thousand “hallelujahs” and I’ll sing a hundred “amens” and I could never get close to the 10,000 reasons to praise the Lord for. 

7:  His mercies are new every morning. 

8:  His grace is sufficient. 

9:  His provision is timely. 

10:  His love knows no bounds.

11:  He is....  (take a minute to fill in the blank… praying that you find Him as we continue to lift up His name)