Choosing to Love

I wrote this on November 16, 2016. But I just now felt brave enough to post it:

Today is my 16th wedding anniversary.
If you know us, you know our story:
Hubby's band drove 350 miles to play an underground punk rock church venue.
He said from the stage: "I want you to pray a prayer that you think is ridiculous... a prayer you think the Lord would never answer... but have faith that He might..."
So I prayed "Hey, Lord, I'd like to have a guy just like him..."
After the show, I brushed my hair behind my ear as I nervously approached the merchs table and said "Hey, I really like what y'all did up there."
"thanks," he said. "Why don't you sign up for the mailing list so you can know when we get the CDs in?  Do you have e-mail yet?"
"Yes, I do have an e-mail address," I replied and picked up the pen to write down my name and email address.  That was late August 1999.
A week or so later, he sent out an email with a theological rant and a prayer request...
I was the only one to answer.
Then he wrote back. (gasp) And signed his stage name.
Then I wrote back.
Then we started chatting via AIM instant messenger with the dial up internet connection.
And then he wrote "If you lived in town, I'd ask you to go to the movies with me and I'd let you pick the movie." (gasp)
And then he booked a show in my hometown... and we got to hang out.

Over the course of that senior year of my undergraduate year, we were able to hang out from time to time either in his hometown or in mine... we talked on the phone a lot... we sent a lot of emails... and we chatted over instant messenger.

When my dad left us, I invited myself to visit him.
When I left, his nannie told him that if he didn't get me a ring someone else would...
So July 2000, during the most difficult time of my life... when my dad was leaving us... he proposed marriage....

And I chose to love. 

Please, please, please take note of my grammar there... it's on purpose... and I think it's pretty clever of me to finally be able to put it down... (insert winking emoji).

For eons, as long as man and woman had breath, people have blamed their actions on emotions... chiefly, on love. And sometimes really destructive actions...
Empires have been brought down in the name of Love.

But, Christians, today, I propose that we realize that Love is a multiple meaning word- and for the World, "Love" has many meanings... but for the Church, (I propose) that "Love" becomes a verb... an action word... something that we do... which is why I said that I choose TO love and not that I choose love... (see what I did there?)

In all the years that I've had relationships crumble around me, confrontations made and failed, and people make empty promises, the deciding factor is what I choose to do.

Love isn't some wild river sweeping us from person to person... it's steady, consistant action-

Look here in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NIV) - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Given this definition of Love, maybe we've been doing some things wrong... maybe we need to re-examine ourselves and chart another course....
One in which Love is not the destination or, in the words of Clint Black, a place that we fall...
Maybe we set a course in which we set our eyes on Christ to show us what Love is supposed to be--

16 years is a long time to be married these days...
Divorce is a tender subject to me... it's like my miscarriage... there's no real easy way to talk about it and when I do, I cry... even after all these years...

and I don't really want to write about divorce here, because that's another rabbit hole that I don't want to touch today because it's a slippery slope that would take me from my bigger point here...

Christian, we must learn what the action of Love looks like...
Feeding the poor...
taking care of the widows and the orphans...

So I don't want to scold you, Church. I know you have good intentions.

But I don't get up every day and feel all lovely dovey and see rainbows and bubbles and unicorns...

this season of life is HARD.  Little people are every where wanting the things... like food... and needing protecting... from like climbing the kitchen cabinets...
And some of the people in my life who are currently in my action list to love ARE HARD PEOPLE TO LOVE....
(p.s. I'm aware that I'm hard to love as well so I can say this because I know it's true of me).

But do you see how I put "to" in front of "love" to denote action?

We have to be intentional (buzz word) to grow the Kingdom (focus for the Free Methodists) by loving ("-ing" denoting action) people. 

WHY WON'T I JUST END THIS BLOG ALREADY? Because I am just getting to the good part...
WHY SHOULD I LOVE (ACTION WORD) PEOPLE? Because Jesus first loved me...

Jesus loved people because He felt compassion for us in our lowly, messed-up state.
He loved me and came after me in my pit of mud and mire.
And He asks us to do the same so that we can lead the people back to Him.

So here's the song that I quoted from the Great Clint Black. This song came out after a bad break up, before I met hubby... and it started me to realize that what I had been taught about falling in love wasn't the Love I was looking for.

I know we have a lot of work to do... I pray that Lord shows us the people to love and the actions we need to take in loving the unlovely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFas-cB9LG8

I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
I still believe the words we said
Forever will ring true
Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn't something that we find
It's something that we do
It's holding tight, lettin' go
It's flying high and laying low
Let your strongest feelings show
And your weakness, too
It's a little and a lot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn't something that we have
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
It gives me heart remembering how
We started with a simple vow
There's so much to look back on now
Still it feels brand-new
We're on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love's not just something that we're in
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong
Love is why I love this song
And I hope you love it too
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn't just those words we said
It's something that we do
There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's something that we do

the tension of being southern and how the voting precint is like Heaven

Living in the South is to live in tension:
black.... white...
rich.... poor....
educated... street smart... under-educated...
Alabama... Auburn...
Baptist... Methodist...
Ford... Chevy...

There is so much tension in the South.

I think we are doing a better job of talking about the tension.
We used to just ignore it.

But even if we ignore the tension, one thing is for sure.

Whenever a neighbor is in need, we show up:
Regardless...
black.... white...
rich.... poor....
educated... street smart... under-educated...
Alabama... Auburn...
Baptist... Methodist...
Ford... Chevy...

I realized this today as I stood waiting to cast my vote today. I looked all around me and I thought "this is what Heaven will be like: all the races, ages, genders... all in one place... wouldn't this be Heaven on Earth if church was like this?"

While we strive for Heaven on Earth, I have come to thank God for being in the South...

it's dysfunctional sometimes...

but it's us...

it's ours...

we do the best we can...

like everyone else...

"my cup runneth over" cup 2016

here's "my cup runneth over" cup for the month of November- everyday I write down something I'm rhankful to God for- one year when I did this it was as simple as "thank God for the trees" (because I love trees)- anywhoo I know many of us struggle through the holidays... doing this gets my focus back to the audience of One 

on being inconvienced

on being inconvienced-

nothing went as planned today- nothing bad but just felt like nothing got done....

this is inconvienced- I don't twig out about inconviences anymore...