To my sons when they are 18

Dear sons,

At this point, you three are almost 7, 2 and 5 months old.  Our time together is going by fast and I do everything I can do to store up these memories of your childhood.  

I keep thinking of the days when you will transition into manhood.  And I want to make that transition as easy as possible for you.  This isn't typically an easy time.  Moms freak out; dads sull up.

And I've been trying to understand why.  Why is this so hard to let go?  This is supposed to happen.  
I've been praying and thinking and I think I know why this happens:
the world is so scary and there will come a point where I can't defend you anymore.
And what am I supposed to do with that?   I mean the very idea of some girl breaking your heart or some guy trying to bully you just makes me see red.  It makes me want to fight.

But I won't be able to.
And that makes me mad.

As you walk into the school building to first grade to a new teacher... as you run away from me at the zoo... as you crawl and reach for things that will hurt you...

So what am I to do?
What can I do?
Well, I can't stop this process from happening. I can't keep you little.

But I can...

I can teach you to fight for yourself.

I can introduce you to the One who heals all your hurts.

I can pray for you.

I can trust that God will honor my dedicating you at the altar when you were a baby.

The truth is people will make comments about your growing up so fast but that will make you feel guilty for doing so.  But it's really a lament that as you get older, it's more difficult to protect you.  And that makes us sad.  And mad.  And scared.

But now I am not so mad or sad or scared because if we have Jesus on our side, then everything's gonna be alright.  I have to trust that He has His angels protecting you and that the shed blood of Jesus intervenes on your behalf.  I have to trust that God is already in tomorrow ahead of you three.

So I am preparing myself for the day you grow up and move out.  I know I will cry and you will just have to give me that.  Change is hard for me.  You each are so precious to me and I thank God for the privilege to be your mommy.  I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.

Love,

Mommy

(Buffy)