Year in Review: 2011

2011 has been an interesting year for us:  I've never felt my faith so tested and shaped before... never before have I felt that so much that I've been learning has finally made it to my spiritual DNA...  never before have I ever felt the enemy aggravating me and poking at me...  2011 started out at Christ Community with a declaration: we were breaking through our own curses and issues and breaking out of our church walls to make Kingdom changes.  Heath and I looked at each other during those first few sermons: yeah, this is what we wanted for ourselves and for our child.  But we had (and have) a bit of work to do.  The enemy has been on our heels to keep us bound by the issues and thought processes that have kept us down for so long- the fear, poor self-esteem, lack of resources, etc...  2011 has been a year of fighting- fighting against the American "dream" (more like nightmare), fighting against what others think we should do and think and feel, fighting against ourselves and our past... 

Of course, I am not saying that I've got it all together at this point.  I wish that I could be quicker to get off of a mental hamster-wheel when people hurt me... I wish that when people do hurt me that I could be quicker to allow them back in to my life.  I am working to pray for these people instead of avoiding them-- which is what I want to do... I am also currently 28 weeks pregnant and have had to fight against all kinds of fear due to my past and present- and it's been kind of amazing at how people do not understand or give me the grace that I require to get through these 9 months.  Many times after a church service, I think, can I just set up a tent over there in the corner of the fish bowl and live here for a while so I don't have to take these darts and stings for a bit?  So that's hard-- just honestly, hard when people look at me like I have 3 heads instead of just letting me get in a good space in my head and stay there so I am not wracked with fear for 40 long weeks.  I don't know how many "where's your faith?" comments I got... uhm, apparently we have a different definition of "faith."

I'm not proud of these things... but I know that there are others out there struggling with these kinds of issues... it's just where I'm at... and I'm asking for the grace to get through these next few weeks until baby's due date.  2011 has been a year of introspection- of realizing what I'm ready to work on and let go of- of realizing why I am the way I am- and of being okay with that until I am ready to peel back another layer of my own insecurities and deal with the issues underneath- or until the Lord sees that I'm ready. 

As far as ministry goes, my husband continues to work on his "Heath and the Checker Shoe Band" ministry.  From the puppet team and music to the television show, he's been really busy and I've been amazed at what the Lord has created through him.  This is a note from Heath:  The year is coming to an end and I wish I had a blog right now to write down everything that happened. Here is the short list. Recorded a 10 song cd and made 10 music videos for it, then made 10 episodes of the Checker Shoe Band Show. Then went on to record a 15 song cd of kids standards and 13 music videos for that, and another 2 episodes of season 2 of the checker shoe band show. plus recorded 5 new songs for the Christmas album. not too mention the other 3 songs I have in the can for the next next album. So that is a total of 33 new songs recorded. This has been a breakthrough year for me for sure, the most artistic ever.

so 2011 has been a banner year for us in a lot of different ways.  And I'm not ashamed of standing up for what I need in order to get through this season of my life.  I continue to see that the American culture is so twisted and cruel.  But all I can control is me... and I would love to change some things in me and I pray that the Lord will continue to change those things in me.


What are my plans for 2012?  Well, how about I share my hopes instead?  I hate making resolutions or saying that I AM going to do something, and not be able to follow through with them... so here are my hopes and prayers:
1) I hope that baby boy arrives healthy and that my body has no complications from the c-section... and I pray that Hero receives the change with understanding and happiness.
2) I hope that the Lord continues to grow The Checker Shoe Band ministry however He chooses.
3) I hope to get healthier in my body and start an exercise routine after March.  
4) I hope that our household continues to get healthier: physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. 


And I hope that 2012 is an amazing year for all of us as we continue to seek the Lord and become more free from the chains of this world.  Words can never express how thankful I am that the Lord brought us to Christ Community in 2001!  Happy 2012!

The Santa Complex

So I've got this new theory... and it's totally unfounded... and something that I'm just starting to formulate, but here it is: I call it "The Santa Complex."

Too many times over this holiday, I have heard other adults tell my child, or I have said myself "you better behave, Santa's watching you."  It struck me yesterday afternoon as I said this again to my son as he was misbehaving.  I started thinking about the child who remarked to me, "I'm gonna be good because I want Santa to come visit me."

I mean, the idea is good, after all, and based on positive reinforcement which I use with every kid that I come in contact with.  You do something good... you get a prize...

But there was a time in my life where I knew that I did and said all the right things and yet, bad things happened to me.  I couldn't get my head wrapped around it.  The theology of it all didn't make sense.  Grace and mercy were preached to me and yet, we all expected life to be easy-breezy if we followed the 10 Commandments.

Is the reason that we all struggle with our negative feelings and say out loud, "I know that I shouldn't feel this way" is because we have The Santa Complex?  That if we feel or think one little bitty thing out of line that "Santa won't come to see us", in a sense?  That Jesus will abandon us if we feel feelings that are natural and even appropriate for a bad situation?

I'm not encouraging us to wallow in our pain or issues (nor am I talking about our sins that we have to suffer the consequences of)... but I am saying that I've come to a point in my life where I realize that I wasted a lot of time ignoring negative emotions when I could have just processed them and moved on.

I am just wondering if we, as Christians, shoot ourselves in the foot by perpetuating the myth about Santa... even as adults, do we cling to the idea that life is supposed to be without trouble and pain because we "do the right thing?"


I have no real resolution to this issue... because I still feel guilty about feeling sad or angry or hurt over situations from time to time.  I am currently overwhelmed about this phase of my life and then I feel guilty because I'm overwhelmed with a lot of good stuff... how crazy does that sound?  (don't answer that)


BUT despite my shortcomings, I know that God loves me very much and that He is very near to me during this time of my life and that He will take care of all that I cannot take care of.


Merry Christmas to you all! 

setting boundaries is not a sin -or- a few of my favorite things

so follow me down this rabbit hole... the past 24 hours has been filled with people just spouting off at me... evidently, there are people that I run across who are in a pressure cooker and like to blow up.  I'm happy to say that I am at a point in my life where those things no longer bother me like they used to... yes, I do perseverate on those events for a bit, but not like I used to.  Lately, I found myself feeling sorry for those people and wishing that we could all be happy and grasp God's love for us.  And I thought, Okay, no more analyzing your own response, Buffy, to see if you could have done anything different... those people wanted to pop off and there is nothing you can do to change their behavior... boundaries are important and setting them is not a sin (yes, I talk to myself quite a big... but it's mostly pep talks).

And don't ask me why, but as I thought about these things on my way home from school, I crossed the bridge from Georgia into Alabama.  And when I saw the Christmas decorations in Phenix City, for some reason, I thought about that song "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music and how it's funny that that is sometimes classified as a Christmas song...  And I thought, Yes!  I will think about all the good things in life!  And not dwell on the sour events of the day! 

Then, I thought, what a great topic for my blog: a few of my favorite things!  So in no particular order (and I will probably have to do a part 2)- These are a few of my favorite things!
1.  chips and salsa from El Vaquero - and a bowl of cheese dip just for fun (its #1 just because I am thinking about going to get some)
2.  my brita water bottle : saves me a ton of money on bottled water because the filter is in the nozzle - http://www.brita.com/products/filtering-bottle/brita-bottle/
3. Star Wars - mostly the original trilogy stuff... Anakin and Padme just get on my nerves
4. music- I love to sing: it makes me feel better.  I don't know what part of the brain gets activated when I sing, but it must be my happy zone.
5. my Nook- it's pretty slick
6. a good pair of shoes
7. Perrier water
8. Footique in Columbus, GA... such a lovely nail salon http://footique.com/
9. Sunday's: it's where I get my hair cut... and it smells like willow bark
10. my Liquid Gold Face Rejuvenating Serum From Southern Belle Soap out of Warm Springs, GA and the Calendula soap they make: http://sbsoap.com/shopping/index.php  It's a goat farm out in Warm Springs and they make all these different kinds of lovely soaps out there.  The Liquid Gold is wonderful too!

Okay so that's the short list and TOTALLY not exclusive... I will probably come back to this topic because it's fun to think about lovely things... and forget about all the sour people out there.

Poison -or- protecting the Fruits of the Spirit

People can say some of the vilest things.  And I know that I say things that are out of line- I KNOW that I THINK things that are out of line- so I'm not just pointing the finger here without seeing the three pointed back at me.

Recently, I have had a rash of boundary-crossing, bordering-on-rude, passive-aggressive-Southern-belle-mean-girl, "thank you, Captain Obvious" remarks made to me that I have had a hard time letting go of.  And the hardest part is that most of these people call themselves Christians.

People use Christians as the basis for not accepting Christianity.  I've talked about this before on my soap box- I mean, blog - and it's something that use to make me angry towards Christians.  Now it's just breaking my heart-- That a person doesn't want to experience the goodness of God because some Christian is being a cotton-headed ninny-muggins (yea, I used an "ELF" reference).  And that a Christian doesn't realize what he is doing by acting like he does.

Several events recently have just made me want to crawl in a hole and never come out.  I feel like I am in high school again and people are just saying things to be mean.  And I'm disappointed because these people call themselves Christians.  And they are attacking their own Family.  But they don't see it like that.  They don't see any harm in the things that they say.  Or how it is affecting other people.  For whatever reason, they are just trying to be funny or make conversation.  But it hurts.  And I have been letting it be poison to the Fruits of The Spirit that are growing in my life... which ticks me off because the Lord has really been showing me some awesome stuff and growing some cool fruit in my life. 

After the church's musical last night, I had the privilege of speaking to a friend who reminded me that I should pray for these people who are "attacking" me.  It was nice that I could be honest and say, "It's really hard for me just to walk away from them and to remember that what they say is a reflection of THEM and that their words about me are not true."  She advised me that the Bible says to PRAY FOR THEM.  "It's not easy, but the Lord says it's the way to get through those situations."

Okay, so I figured it couldn't hurt to pray for these people and just in today, this is what I realized in this experiment:
1.  Some Christians use Christianity as fire insurance - they have not been taught that there is more to being a Christian than just a get-out-of-hell-free card.... and that's sad.
2.  I am responsible for my actions and my response to people... not for their actions.
3.  That I don't have to allow these words to poison the Fruits of the Spirit in me... that I can protect the Fruits of the Spirit with the Armor of God.

So this is a work in progress... and I don't have it right off the bat.  This is gonna have to be a new chromosome that gets grafted into the DNA of my spirit, body and soul.  This revelation was kinda mind-blowing.

I just hope that I can remember it tomorrow....  :)