why does it matter? a missive to mothers (and fathers) (even the fur-babies)

So I've been working all weekend catching up on laundry. And cleaning. And re-cleaning. And cleaning again. The cycle makes me think of the quote about the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and to expect different results.

A friend even asked the question on Facebook recently about why did it make sense to clean a house just for it to get messy again. 

Stay-at-home moms, working moms, fur-baby moms, I've been hearing you all talk about mommy guilt (I exclude you, men, at this point, because I've not heard you talk about daddy-guilt... is that a thing?) - and you've heard me talk about my mommy guilt: am I doing enough? I know that I'm screwing it up... [fyi, I know that I am.... and did our moms go through this? talk about a hamster wheel I want to get off of... I hate this feeling]. 

Okay so, follow me down this rabbit hole- I'm washing clothes for the boys' first days of schools and I'm labeling school supplies and I'm thinking about this new school year - my 13th as a school-based Speech-Language Pathologist - and I'm thinking about my caseload: I have a stash of dress shirts that my boys don't need because there was a gaggle last year who did not have dress shirts for awards day and they had a hard time with it.... and how I bought extra pencils and folders and tissue for my kids because they are not able to provide their own supplies.... and I'm thinking about those babies who will come to school without breakfast (and how I need to get a stash of snacks for those kids who even miss breakfast at school)... and I think about how I constantly refer to Maslow's hierarchy of needs when it comes to kids being ready to learn...

http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

When you look at the model, the first level is biological and physiological needs: food, water, shelter, clothing. The second level is safety needs. The third is love and a sense of belonging. The forth level is esteem needs. And the fifth level is self-actualization. Maslow's theory is that a person cannot reach his full potential if his basic  needs are not met.

So while I feel like my cleaning and house keeping and going to the job goes without any recognition and is meaningless, it's quite the contrary... my children cannot realize that they are grateful for my contributions. But they would be fully aware if those contributions were absent. Kids who come to school without clean clothes face ridicule from others - when they are hungry, they cannot concentrate to learn.

So, mommas (and daddies) get off that hamster wheel of mommy guilt and feeling that what you do does not matter. It does matter.