imperfect

Meet John Doe

"Met John Doe" is one of my favorite Christmas movies. It was one of Frank Capra's brilliant movies from 1941 with Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper. What starts as a marketing ploy becomes a full-on grassroots movement. It starts with this speech from John Doe:

"Well, people like the Governor -- people like the Governor -- and that fella there can -- can stop worrying. I'm not gonna talk about them. I'm gonna talk about us, the average guys, the John Does.

If anybody should ask you what the average John Doe is like, you couldn't tell him because he's a million and one things. He's Mr. Big and Mr. Small. He's simple and he's wise. He's inherently honest, but he's got a streak of larceny in his heart. He seldom walks up to a public telephone without shoving his finger into the slot to see if somebody left a nickel there.
He's the man the ads are written for. He's the fella everybody sells things to. He's Joe Doakes, the world's greatest stooge and the world's greatest strength.

Yes, sir -- Yes, sir, we're a great family, the John Does. We are the meek who are -- who are supposed to inherit the earth. You'll find us everywhere. We raise the crops; we dig the mines, work the factories, keep the books, fly the planes and drive the busses. And when a cop yells: "Stand back there, you!" He means us, the John Does!

We have existed since time began. We built the pyramids. We saw Christ crucified, pulled the oars for Roman emperors, sailed the boats for Columbus, retreated from Moscow with Napoleon and froze with Washington at Valley Forge.
Yes, sir. We've been in there dodging left hooks since before history began to walk. In our struggle for freedom we've hit the canvas many a time, but we always bounced back! Because we're the people -- and we're tough.

They've started a lot of talk about free people going soft -- that we can't take it. That's a lot of hooey! A free people can beat the world at anything, from war to tiddle-de-winks, if we all pull in the same direction. I know a lot of you are saying "What can I do? I'm just a little punk. I don't count." Well, you're dead wrong! The little punks have always counted because in the long run the character of a country is the sum total of the character of its little punks. But, we've all got to get in there and pitch. We can't win the old ballgame unless we have teamwork. And that's where every John Doe comes in. It's up to him to get together with his teammates. And your teammate, my friend, is the guy next door to you. Your neighbor -- he's a terribly important guy that guy next door. You're gonna need him and he's gonna need you, so look him up. If he's sick, call on him. If he's hungry, feed him. If he's out of a job, find him one.

To most of you, your neighbor is a stranger, a guy with a barkin' dog and high fence around him. Now, you can't be a stranger to any guy that's on your own team. So tear down the fence that separates you. Tear down the fence and you'll tear down a lot of hates and prejudices. Tear down all the fences in the country and you'll really have teamwork.

I know a lot of you are saying to yourselves, "He's askin' for a miracle to happen. He's expectin' people to change all of a sudden. Well, you're wrong. It's no miracle. It's no miracle because I see it happen once every year. And and so do you -- at Christmas time. There's somethin' swell about the spirit of Christmas, to see what it does to people, all kinds of people. 

Now, why can't that spirit, that same, warm Christmas spirit last the whole year around? Gosh, if it ever did, if each and every John Doe would make that spirit last 365 days out of the year, we'd develop such strength, we'd create such a tidal wave of good will that no human force could stand against it. Yes sir, my friends, the meek can only inherit the earth when the John Doe's start lovin' their neighbors. 

You better start right now. Don't wait till the game is called on account of darkness.

Wake up, John Doe. You're the hope of the world."

-- wow. did you catch that last part? "don't wait till the game is called on account of darkness. Wake up, John Doe. You're the hope of the world."

My Pa and my whole family really used to tell me that I could do and be anything. That I had something important to do on this earth and a responsibility to do something meaningful and important.

But you know what? I'm not rich and famous. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and a speech therapist. 

Some people discount you because you don't have a certain label and a certain amount of money in your bank account. 

but... "...John [or Jane] Doe... You're the hope of the world."...

2015 - what's that you have in your hand?

I am 10 hours from the first performance of Joseph's Journey 2015. I am praying through my own inadequecies and my insecurities and just hoping that people hear and see Jesus when it's my turn to sing - that the side effects my allergies have on my singing is held at bay - and that I get motivated to lose some weight - like asap.

I've also been thinking how this is the first Sunday without our campus pastors at Christ Community- Phenix City and praying for the new pastor and family. I didn't understand why our founding pastors were called away until our "family meeting" style church service last week. It was then that I saw this was a case of God asking for radical obiediance- and they, once again, answered the call.

2015 was about a call for us to step out and do radical things... seems to be "what we do" but it's not easy and it's scary... Big Heater Media produced "Well, Well, Well" video series. I took the Lead SLP position for the central zone.

The end of 2015 doesn't mark the end of anything- we'll keep doing what we are doing until we feel otherwise. I trust I will continue to see the hand of the Lord in the land of the living. And I will keep doin' it scared.

the worth of waiting

It's the 15th anniversary of Heath's proposal of marriage. I read through my journals last weekend and read through our courtship (for lack of a better term). And I read about how I waited for him (that seemed like a life time) and I thought about just how much had changed since then.

So whether you are waiting for your mate or the direction you are to take next, don't despise this season of waiting- i'm sure theologians have book series on this topic, but this is just lil ole me trying to get these lessons pounded out so I don't forget them.

Here's the worth I have found in waiting:

1- reset: sometimes waiting is needed to hit the reset button, get priorities in order, figure out what you really want.

2- learn a lesson: this is one cliche that's true- maybe God wants you to wait to learn a lesson about Him or about yourself.

3- follow the steps: sometimes we have to wait so events line up for us to complete the task. Sometimes this leavs us disappointed and confused because doors get closed and God is silent.  But maybe God's on the other end getting people lined up to help you through to the task He's asked you to do.

So while your fingers are itchin' and your feet can't stay still and you've been called to wait, there's still plenty to do:

1- bloom where you are planted: has God asked you to teach a class at church? Donate to a soup kitchen? Volunteer at the Boys' and Girls' Club?

2- worship: taking time to worship gets the focus off of ourselves and recognizes what the Lord has already given to us and who He is to us.

3- fast: fasting from a meal or food item also refocuses our eyes on Him- fasting for me clears the spiritual cobwebs

4- read the Bible: again, refocuses your sights- reminds you Who is Lord.

5- obey: do what He is telling you to do when He says to do it- don't rush it (and fail because the other pieces aren't in place) and don't give up. Persistance pays off.

So hopefully you will find the worth in the waiting too and not give up!

I found God in my chicken salad

My husband loves my chicken salad.  It's on the ONE dish that he requests week after week.

And in our efforts to eat better and not eat out, I make a bowl of chicken salad a couple of times a week.  I even made a batch for him to take to Orlando to the Free Methodist conference so he wouldn't have to eat out so much.

So I finally got around to making a batch of chicken salad for myself for the rest of this week since I'm doing so well in not eating out- the boys are asleep and an old Shirley Temple movies is on (she's the star of the month on Turner Classic Movies).  So during the most mundane part of making the chicken salad (shredding the chicken), I started to sing to keep me going.  I started to sing "He is Jealous for Me."  I got to the "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He love me Oh! How He loves me!  Oh! How He loves me! Oh! How He loves!" [yeah, I change the pronoun there from "us" to "me"- try it when  you sing it the next time - takes on a whole new meaning]. So I've been going through a list of regrets lately and a list of would've, could've, should've-s... and in those moments, when disappointment or tragedy hit, my question to God was "so what's next?" or "how do I make that [whatever we were told to do] happen?"  We struggled for a long long time wondering HOW to make this thing happen.  And now that we are in the middle of it, I realized this over my chicken salad: IT WAS NEVER MY JOB TO FIGURE OUT THE how OF IT. GOD HAD THAT FIGURED OUT ALL ALONG.  BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO DO IT THROUGH US.  The equipment, the money, the team, the projects- this path has been laid out all along... we just had to take the first step- okay actually more like a leap.  But how much time did I waste trying to figure out HOW to make it all happen?  Well, that's a rabbit hole I can't go down tonight....

I read through my old journals this weekend.  Reading over how Heath and I met and married- it seemed like it was all such a breeze- so obvious and everything just fell into place.  But I remember how HARD it was to WAIT for him- and how HARD it was to be 350 miles away from him while we were dating/courting/being friends/whatever you call it. But I've blinked and 15 years has passed and we have three beautiful boys and we are seeing our prayers being answered.

BUT... I NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER forget how awesome it was when Heath asked me to marry him and for all the struggle of these 14 years of marriage, I have seen the hand of the Lord in the land of the living.

And surely if He did this for me- His handmaiden Much-Afraid, surely He will do it for you.
so here's the revelation for tonight: whatever God's told you to do, don't let the HOW of it keep you from taking the first step.  He's already got that part figured out.

It says Fruit of the Spirit not the Fruit of Buffy

yesterday, our pastor asked on facebook what were we using to motivate ourselves to keep our goals and I wrote this:  " I took Hank to the doctor this morning for a well-child visit and pulling up into the parking lot the d.j. on the radio read Galatians 5:22-23- the Fruit of the Spirit verse which is a cornerstone verse for our family and for our ministry- but it struck me as he read through the list: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and SELF-CONTROL- the list seems to get increasingly difficult for me to maintain... but since this is the Fruit of the SPIRIT and not the Fruit of Buffy, then I can rely on the Holy Spirit to bear this fruit in me."

And just as I posted that, the bottom fell out.  The boys got disobedient and I got emotional.  Oh my.  Do I need some work.   I made my apologies to everyone. I mean I doubt they even remember it now but I felt like poop.  I know everyone loses it from time to time and we can't be perfect parent all the time. But I don't like how the enemy is taking my mistake and rubbing my nose in it.  I am not proud that I responded emotionally to their disobedience.  But I did.  Lord, help.  Lord, forgive me.

The fruit of the Spirit list is SO HARD FOR ME. From the beginning to the end.  And each fruit gets harder and harder for me as I progress through the list.

But see- there I go- "so hard for me." (Uhm, McFly, this is not about you."  Fruit of the Spirit ... Not fruit of Buffy.

Lord help.

'hello, God, are You there? it's me again- Much-Afraid' - or - the Bishop's Baby

I ran into an old friend today.  She was one of my first friends here in Columbus, Ga.  She was there for many of the life events that bullet the list of my life.  We had a few minutes to catch up.  She asked what Heath was up to.  "Weeeellll," I started and embarked on a 20 minute story about all the projects he had.  I ended with "Seriously, it's like all the dreams are coming true."

I had never said that before.  (And how many people can say that?)

She said, "it sounds like all the dreams are coming true... all the dreams that y'all had on our couch during community group years ago...yes, all those dreams are coming true... because you weren't scared... you aren't scared to just go after it..."

What I didn't get a chance to tell her is that bravery does not always equal fearlessness... and quite frankly, I didn't ever for one minute have to be confident in my own abilities - I just had to trust God and stand here with my hands open.  And honestly, I didn't know where grocery money was coming from sometimes, but right at the right moment, Heath would get a call for a gig and we'd have grocery money.  I don't say that to shame Heath or myself, but to say following God's will and saying "Yes" to a dream means being scared the majority of the time.  The luxury I have now is that I've been saying "Yes" to God for a while now- 14 and a half years- and for 14 and a half years, God's pulled through every time.  He's proved Himself- so I don't have to be afraid any more.  Seriously, when I pray, sometimes I start, "Hello, God.  Are You there?  It's me again- Much-Afraid."  And like Hurnard's Much-Afraid (of Hinds' Feet on High Places), I run to the foot of the mountain to meet with my Jesus because I CAN'T NOT DO THAT.  I am COMPELLED.  

What is amazing- as we wait for the DVD of this new series called "Well, Well, Well" (or "the Bishop's baby" is what I called it before we had a set title)- is that, we can't sit here and pride ourselves on doing any great thing for the Lord.  I mean, all my life, all I wanted was do some great thing for God.  
I said during church camp every summer, "Lord, I'll go to Africa for you!"  He said, "no." 
I said, "Lord, I want to be married."  The Lord said, "wait."
And I agonized over wanting to do some great thing for Him because He had done so great a thing for me on the Cross.
So I waited.
He told me to go to a punk rock show at a church. I said, "why not?" (He was on the other end telling Heath to go to Hattiesburg, MS and do a punk rock show 350 miles away with no money guarantee and Heath said, "Yes.")
God said, "marry Heath."  I said, "yes."
So many closed doors along the way once I moved up here.  So many "no"-s.  Some said in love- some said in strife.
Then Heath came to me: "uhm, the Lord wants me to get ordained." I said, "okay." - but in the back of my head, I'm scared thinking "Lord, what are You gonna do with me as a preacher's wife?  You KNOW I'm not a preacher's wife!  I have tattoos and I'm coarse and unlovely and I can't play the piano."  But I eventually got over myself and said, "Yes."
Then "God wants me to start a puppet band."  I said, "huh?"  God wants us to start a puppet band and sing about Jesus for kids.  I laughed a little at the absurdity.  But I said, "yes."
Then "So we need to put this on film and get it out to television stations so that kids can hear about Jesus."  I said, "so you're gonna be a televangelist!?"  We laughed. But I said, "Yes."
Every "Yes" brought us closer and closer and closer to 2015.  Apparently, Heath and I have a reputation for doing crazy stuff and being "out there" and I'll take that as a compliment. And as we wait for the proof of the physical DVD for "Well, Well, Well," I can't wait to hold it in my hand as we have done with so many projects before.  And every time, I realize that there is no great thing that I can do for Him- nothing that could make up for His sacrifice on the Cross. 
  
And I realize that it's no longer about the great thing that I can do FOR Him, but it's the fact that every "yes" has brought me to a place where I see Him do great things.  

What is your heart tugging at you to say "yes" to? What are you afraid of that's holding you in one place? 

I have never claimed to be a great Christian;
I only claim to serve a Great God. 

Feelings on mother's day

I don't think we need another blog about all the emotions running through us on Mother's Day.

I mean I don't think you want to hear that motherhood is awesome and scary all at once.  That I fight with loving and loathing my body post partum.  That this weekend evoks memories not associated with motherhood at all.

As I am sitting here in the playroom purposefully ignoring the mess of my house to eat imaginary ice creams with my 3 year old, I am doing that girl thing of trying to sort out my feelings when it occurs to me:

I may be feeling BIG FEELINGS 

BUT I SERVE A GOD BIGGER THAN MY FEELINGS.

THAT'S my reality today.

Not my past.

Not my future.

My right NOW.

God is MIGHTY and WORTHY of our PRAISE.

<bad> friday

Just thinkin' this Good Friday

<well it wasn't so good for Jesus and His momma and His buddies>

about how the disciples were so disappointed and hurt when things didn't go the way they thought it would.

about Mary heartbroken.

about the pain of His Crucifiction.

These reminders comes to me:

SUNDAY'S COMIN', Y'ALL

and

the Shadow of the Cross exposes our great need for Him: rich, poor, wise, foolish...  WE ALL NEED HIM

Say yes or turning 37

i saw this on pintrest last night.  this is such an important point to be made.  

today is my 37th birthday.  from age 30 til last year, i'd joke about being 28 again.  but this year, i realize that little joke would discount the past 7 years of my life and i wouldn't want to do that- i have a really unique life and it suits me well.  it's unconventional by most standards but i have always wanted to take the road less travelled.

but back to this quote: by the very nature of being God's creation, we are special. and my mom used to tell me if God wants you to clean the toilets at the church, you do the very best you can and do it for Him.  

but sometimes before we can get to a place of understanding how special we are to Him, we have to get over ourselves a bit and just say "yes."

when heath came to me about the vision he had for this television show, i panicked.  where were we going to get the money for this? it was just too big for me to fathom. i didn't know where to start. but we said "yes" anyway and just had to let God do His thing.

for all of us struggling with not being good enough, or skinny enough, or pretty enough, or popular enough or our past is too spotty... God just wants you to say "yes."

The lies about me

Recently, I was publicly humiated in a mass email by a co-worker.  The email stated that I said something that I clearly never would have said and made an implication about my work ethic.

And it made me so mad.  Like Mr. Furious mad- "I am a ticking time bomb of fury."

It made me mad for days.  Then another co-worker decided to share a tidbit of some thing else another  co-worker said about me.  At that point, I just had to stop and laugh.  I had wasted a lot of time being angry about the lies told about me...  And I was finding that the people whose opinion I valued did not believe those lies...  Which was awesome.  Because these people that I valued reflected what God was saying about me the whole time.  The truth of who I am in His eyes- well, I was able to jump over that obstacle and keep moving because He knows I am doing the best I can right now.  And His grace extends to others and fills in the gaps.

I don't claim to be a great Christian...

Only that I serve a great God.

"Nevah, nevah, nevah give up!"

On the subject of being called of the Lord and meeting with human rejection-

rejection is one of those life events that can make or break you.  when tenacity is the product of rejection, you'll be faced with a choice: self-sufficiency or God-trusting.  the hard choice is God-trusting because that path does not offer instant gratification.  if we wait, we will see a side of God that few see.  people will ridicule your choice to wait to follow a path that's never been cut before.  ignore them- turn your eyes upon Jesus--  

but honestly what better gratification do we have if we are able to wait in His presence for His will to be done by His own hand?  

the result is not only intimacy with Him but that we get to witness His Glory.  being awe-struck by His Mighty Hand drives us to our knees in worship... and we are caught in His perfect circle of love, grace and glory... and then we are blissfully unaware of the nay-sayers and the critics because once we have Jesus, we find all that we ever need.

monday musings: church wounds, Rick Grimes, shieldmaidens, 50 shades, oh my!

last night's The Walking Dead.
during The Talking Dead aftershow.
Hardwick asks, "what did you think of Rick's 'We are the Walking Dead' speech?"
oo - oo - me - me!  pick me!  I have an answer!

Rick just said what I had suspected all along.
We are the walking dead.

.... yesterday, I didn't take the littles to church because of snotty noses.... follow me down this rabbit hole for a bit...
I read a post by Jenn Hatmaker encouraging us to try church even though we are church wounded... It was such a lovely missive- full of everthing I have ever wanted to say.

And Hatmaker + TWD= we need to take a moment to recognize that we are the walking dead: whether we are full of sin and we are the walking dead in that respect...

Or we have "died to ourselves" and so we are the walking dead...

Either way we need Jesus.

And that need should be the great equalizer.

O Christian, stop hiding out in your Christian ghetto, shaking your head about how bad the world has gotten.  We have to get out and fight.  We have to hold the barn doors closed when the enemy tries to hit us with a one- two punch.  The tornadoes and the shady guys tempting with bottles of water when we haven't had any for days and the demons of hell themselves will come after us.  We can't just sit here and close our eyes and hope it all goes away... We have kids and loves ones in the enemy's crosshairs.

This whole "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie stuff has struck a deep cord with me- I havent seen the movie and I haven't read the book.  But what I have read on line sends me into another realm because I have seen the effects of unhealthy relationships and I just don't want y'all to get stuck in that fear of being alone driving us to compromise ourselves.  So I was lamenting this to Heath and talking to him about what can we do to start prepping our boys for the adolescence of their lives.  Heath said to me, "you obviously feel very passionate about this- what do you think the Lord is calling you to do about this?  Maybe He wants you DO something instead of just feeling all this.  If this makes you mad, maybe you need to DO something."  I don't know WHAT I am gonna DO about it just yet (True Love Waits revival, anyone?)... But Heath makes a good point: don't whine about it- do something about it.  I mean, I guess standing at the door with a shield like Lagetha is not what he had in mind?

Okay, see? There- spaghetti brain- taking me down all kinds of rabbit holes.

So anyway- here's what I hope you get out of this:

1) we are ALL the walking dead- either we are dead IN sin or we are dead TO ourselves - either way - we can't get too uppity about where we are in life- WE ALL NEED JESUS.

2) if you are a Christian, realize you are in a fight- and I don't mean to tell every gay person you met that he is going to hell-  You didn't accept Jesus because someone was rude to you so be nice-- but the idea of a fight hurts some of our Southern Belle hearts because we were raised not to engage in conflict.  Well any good solider knows- if you don't go to the fight, the fight's comin' to you- last night Rick and the gang kept walking away from that hoarde but they just kept comin' for 'em.

3) I think prayer and worship along with fasting is a great place to start to DO something.  No idea what to do? Consult the Word. 

We do have an advantage to The Walking Dead gang- our Jesus already won this war.  We already know the outcome.  But don't let that lull you into the deception that the enemy got that memo- he's so stupid, he still thinks he has a chance- so he is still comin' at us with everything he's got.

Put on the armor of God, beloved warriors.

Get connected to a healthy church.

Pray. Fast. Worship. 

God's got this.  

And He loves us even though we are The Walking Dead.

5 reasons I love being a mom

My hubby and I waited for 7 years before we had our first child.  We waited for a variety of reasons.  And we had a serious challenge before having our first, but I am so thankful that the Lord allowed me to have children.

Being a parent is hard, but here's 5 reasons why I love being a mom-

Seriously, the holidays were lame before I had kids...

It's really weird to see some idiosyncrasy come out in one of my kids... but it's nice to know that I can't help it either. 

now, let me explain.  Kids complicate life in a number of ways, but by complicating life, they make me stop and prioritize what's important... so I have to get simple.

becoming a mommy has helped me understand God's unconditional love for me.... what grace really is. 

this is probably the best revelation I've had lately: I don't need apologetics to share Christ (and look, I misspelled "apologetics" on my picture there).  Apologetics is the defending of our Christian faith.  There are books and books written on the subject.  It's complicated.  And scares me.  But with children, all I have to do is very simply share: Jesus loves you.  I came about this revelation when my 2 year old had an inconsolable moment one Sunday morning and I sat with him in his classroom for the service.  The teacher, a godly woman I know only as Mrs. Dunlap and/or Kaci's mom, told the children several times throughout the service: "Jesus loves you... Jesus love you..." over and over again-- looking into each one's face-- with her hand on their little shoulder..."Jesus loves you".

It was a moment that I needed to hear that as well and I let it wash over me.  Many times since, I've panicked over my husband's children's ministry and my postpartum behavior- worried about getting sound theology into my children and the ministry while just not being able to pull it all together.  But Mrs. Dunlap's words ring true: "Jesus loves you."  With kids, it's as simple as that.