the lesson of the tornado

Saturday January 21:
7:00 a.m.
I woke up, cooked breakfast, checked facebook, freaked out.
My hometown had been demolished by a tornado during the early morning hours.
I did a "roll call" that we all do when we need to check on people.
One by one, text messages rolled in, responses on facebook, phone calls.

8:30 a.m.
I sent my husband to the store for the obligatory roll of toilet paper (and other "tornado party supplies"): the radars showed it was heading this way next.... we prepped.
Mattresses in the hallway.
Flashlights, candles, matched located.
We turned the television down. We waited.

10:00 -ish a.m.
phone alerts buzzing.

10:24 a.m.
rain
buckets of rain
"Is that the siren?" I ask.
We sit in the hallway.

10:43 a.m. the train sound starts up - keeping a 9 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old still in the hallway is a challenge let me tell you.

11:00 a.m. the train sound stops- a tornado had hit near my son's school. I'm a wreck.

From then on, we were a nervous wreck. I tried to be a clown to keep the kids calm, but they felt the electricity in the air. We had another round of storms set for Saturday night. We hunkered down. I saw the pictures from the wreckage of Hattiesburg and Petal and I cried. I was just there less than a month ago for Christmas. The places the tornado hit were places that I visited... I cried... for the destruction and for the close calls....

Sunday January 22, 2017: I was set to be on the worship team. Another round of storms set to hit as church would be letting out. I went to church alone and to the grocery store after. By the time I got home the rain was pouring. A little later, we would be warned of a tornado about 20 miles away... and then a tornado in South Georgia... more destruction, more devastation....

Since Sunday, my heart has gotten more and more heavy. The loss and destruction. I worry for those who don't know Jesus and for whom this situation would drive them further from the Lord. I can't stop looking at the photos... it blows my mind... I know the people in the photos... I know those homes... that's my elementary school...

Monday, I held it all together.
Tuesday, I lost it.

So today, I see a picture that sent me down a rabbit hole... I'm about to show my hand at how weak my faith is... and how awesome God is... it's a photo of the Bible in the chapel at William Carey College... and it's still on the podium... wet, but not soaked, not even a page torn, the window above it blown out.

I don't understand God, but I just had to ask Him... How do You choose? How do You choose who to save and who to take? How do You choose who's house was hit and who's house wasn't?
And my questioning sent me back to my miscarriage and how angry I was at Him for not answering my prayer and for allowing that to happen....

And then, it was as if large hands took my head and gently set it askew... Look at it this way.... and what I could see was His hand in protecting the Bible despite the window blowing out- I could see Him saying "despite THIS moment, I am here." I could see that for 145 mph winds, there were no deaths in Petal. I could see the churches coming together and the organizations and the major companies dispatching to Petal. I could see that despite the national and political chasm, people put those things aside to help others in need. [maybe, y'all got that.... it took me a minute]

Sometimes I imagine God saying to me "you ask questions that have answers that are too big for your brain to comprehend." And I sigh and am thankful that He knows me.  And I'm thankful that He takes time to help me through stuff.

It took me a long time to be appreciate my Southern roots.... and I hate to say tragedy often shows you all the good stuff when it gets threatened.

I'm praying for my friends and family in South Mississippi. I know that South Georgia is experiencing this kind of pain too... I am praying for y'all too.

I am thankful He is Emmanuel, God with us... even in the 145 mile per hour winds.