IEP writing -or- finding the strength in the weakness

So if you know me, you know that I work as a Speech-Language Pathologist.  I work with school-aged kids who have a variety of medical diagnoses and a variety of communication disorders.  Some can't say the "r" sounds.  Some can't answer questions.  For every Individualized Education Plan, I have to include a statement about the child's strengths as well as their weaknesses.

On Sunday (give me a minute, I will tie this in, I promise), I went to pick up Son No. 1 from his class after service.  As I approached the door, I heard his voice raised and rough, "THAT IS NOT MINE!"  I did not hear the teacher's reply.  Oh, Lord, I prayed, what has he done?  When I opened the door, I saw that Son No. 1 was calm and smiling; the teacher was smiling at him... I put on a tight smile, ready for a report: "Hello!  How's it going?"

His sweet teacher looked up at me.  "You know," she started, "I just love his passion!"

"His passion?!" I laughed.  "Yeah, that's a nice way of putting it."

She related the story to me that she had handed the wrong set of papers to Son No. 1 and he vehemently exclaimed, "THAT IS NOT MINE!"  I looked down at Son No. 1: "really," I started to scold, "all you have to do is say nicely, 'Those aren't my papers.'  You don't have to get loud about it."

I looked up with an apology on my lips, but his sweet teacher chuckled, "no, really, he is so passionate!  And so sweet!  I just love that boy!"

I laughed.  I said, "He has such a temper and we are constantly working with him about it... but yeah, I guess that's one way look to at it that way-- maybe start working his temper into more appropriate indignation?"  I smiled weakly, but I walked away pondering this exchange.  All week, I've been thinking about this exchange.  And feeling a bit convicted.

Why is it so easy for me to look at other people's kids and be able to see their strengths?  And why is it so hard for me not to do this with my own almost-school-aged boy?  I've always wanted to be so careful to raise him with a healthy dose of self-esteem and not beat him down...

So I've been praying for the Lord to help me see Son No. 1's weaknesses as potential strengths... as well as Son No. 2 as he grows out of infancy into toddler-hood.  Instead of snapping a direction toward Son No. 1, taking the time to shape the behavior into something that could be used to further the Kingdom one day.

What are some "negative" behaviors you see in your kids that could be used for good one day?  I need some help in what some of our "negatives" can be shaped in to!

The Reverend Mrs. Williamson

So the title of this blog is a little tongue-in-cheek, but I guess it's true!  Yesterday, I knelt by my husband as he was ordained for ministry by the elders of the Free Methodist Church.  I've been floating on this God-cloud since then.  I'm not even sure how to sort through all these emotions, much less how to get it down.  But I don't want to forget anything.

If you know me at all, you know what I mess I've been spiritually speaking.  I'm not saying that I've got it all together either.  I'm reluctant to post this all in a blog, but I cannot miss this opportunity to share what the Lord's done in my life.

First off, I'm really humbled.  Yesterday was a culmination of the last 18 years of my life.  I tried to verbally thank everyone who held my hand and walked me through my valleys of the shadow of death but I doubt I will never be able to thank them properly... from the dark day in 1994 when I was told that my best friend died in a car wreck... to the night in 2000 when my father walked out of my life... to the day in 2006 when I lost my first little one... all the depression and heartache... and all the days in between praying and struggling alongside Heath for the Lord to show us how to answer the calling that has been placed on our lives.  For my friends and family back home, for Praise Assembly of God, for Christ Community... I thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

I'm honored.  To be called to follow in the lineage of ordained ministers and their wives.  I'm nervous and scared too, because I know that others will suppose that I've got it all together since I'm now a "preacher's wife."  Far from it.  I continue to rely on God's grace to forgive me of my sins every minute of every day.

I'm awed at the experience in His presence yesterday kneeling by Heath, having the elders put their hands on us and the words that were spoken over us... powerful words... more than a shot in the arm... an infusion of Life for us to pour out on others.

Right now, it's kind of like a new pair of jeans... it's a little awkward to say that my husband's an ordained minister. But I'm really proud of all the hard work he's done in order to fill the requirements of ordination.  And I am just speechless at all that the Lord has done for us, personally and with Heath's ministry.

I'm still me... but I do feel at peace and healed... and that's all to the Glory of the Risen Savior.

Heath is now a Children's Evangelist (!) and it's so crazy, but I think the title fits him.  Hopefully, "Heath and the Checker Shoe Band" will just continue to grow into what God wants it to be.  Right now, the television show is airing in Columbus, Phenix City and Nashville and on several internet stations.  CDs and DVDs are still available.  The CCC puppet team will finish up their year soon with several outreaches to the community.  You can find out more information at www.heathandthecheckershoeband.com for our mission statement, show dates, videos, and music.

I am so blessed in so many ways... and I know full well the extent and depth of Christ's love for us all.  That's why I sing on the worship team, that's why we do this ministry... not for money, not for pats on the back... but for His Glory.  Thanks to everyone for their continued support and prayers.  This is really exciting to see what He has planned for us on this journey!
God bless,
Buffy

there's pain in the healing

So two weeks ago, I had a c-section to deliver my son, Brick.  I went in for a routine visit and my blood pressure was too high.  So my doctor sent me to the hospital to deliver Brick that afternoon.  I'm not gonna lie... recuperating has been painful.  The simplest task has proved difficult: putting socks on, sitting down, standing up... you name it...

It's the first time since my grandfather's death that I felt that I could really just grieve the fact that he is no longer on this earth.  I felt that I couldn't get too emotional or cry like I needed too when I was pregnant because I didn't want to do anything to stress out the baby.

Two major life events happening in a month's time... My heart is broken and swells with happiness all at the same time.

Healing is a painful process.  I think as a Christian, I was socialized to think that healing should be spontaneous and complete in one trip down to the alter.  Healing CAN be spontaneous- physically or emotionally.  But personally, healings have taken much longer for me.  It wasn't God's fault... part of it was my own inability to embrace the pain and just FEEL what I needed to feel so that I could move on to the next steps in the grieving process.  I used to get annoyed when prissy Christians tossed their cliches at me because they were uncomfortable with my raw state... now, I find it funny and even pity them a bit...

So these past few weeks have been painful for me in a number of ways... one pain, the result of my grandfather going Home... the other pain has lead to a wonderful new life.  I used to be afraid of pain.  But I'm not so much anymore.  I'm not really sure how to end this blog entry... Life is still moving on... The second hand of the clock continues to tick... I still have to get out of bed every day and tend to my responsibilities.   The entry for yesterday in "Jesus Calling"  encouraged me to be thankful in all things... and I am.... truly thankful: for a grandfather who showed me what true love is and for a new son who snuggles against my neck when I hold him.

love song

So this came out in 2006 or 2007 in a book called "Force in the Flesh."  It was a collection of photos and biographies of people with Star Wars tattoos.  Heath and I were lucky enough to be featured in the book... and we were the only couple to share a page.  Just wanted to memorialize it here on my blog...  This isn't a revelation because it's something that I've known since I met him:  I am beyond blessed to have met and married Heath Williamson.  We were living 350 miles apart when we met and the Lord orchestrated our meeting.  He is a "Wild at Heart" kinda guy... and I kinda dig it.

From Force in the Flesh by Shane Turgoen: 
Rarely do you find a marriage in which both partners share a common interest in Star Wars. Rarer still is finding a couple who love the saga enough to tattoo themselves in related imagery.. That's just what Heath and Buffy Williamson have done with their theamed Clone Wars tattoos. When the acclaimed animated Clone Wars micro-series began airing, Heath and Buffy found themselves drawn to its rich and unique animation style. Heath was particularly taken by how Yoda was portrayed and it was the strong portrayal of the female Jedi that Buffy found most appealing. By the time they were done, Heath's plan for a simple animated Yoda tattoo soon turned into an entire Clone Wars half sleeve and Buffy had images of several female Jedi tattooed on her arm. Heath is also an avid collector of Star Wars memorabilia, everything from vintage and modern action figures to prop replicas and statues. He considers his tattoos to be a unique part of his collection that he can take with him wherever he goes. Since the completion of his half sleeve, Heath has added stylistic tattoos of a Jawa and an Ewok to his tattoo collection and has plans for additional Star Wars tattoo designs. In the meantime, both he and Buffy continue to share in their love of Star Wars and more importantly, their love of each other.

what I want my son(s) to learn

I am just days away from delivering my second son.  As my church, Christ Community, has had several years of a program we affectionately call Man School, many American ideals are being challenged... and in a good way... actually, a great way.  So while Heath was reading through "Wild at Heart," I just had to pick it up too.  It scared me a bit, to tell the truth.  But I realized a lot that I needed to make sure to do with my sons.  The last thing that I want to do is have the apron string twisted around my sweet boy's neck as he struggles against us to try out his wings.  I have the scissors ready to cut the apron strings when it's time...

I just read a blog about "15 things a mom should teach her son."  While I agreed with half of them, I decided to make my own list of what I want my sons to know as they grow up.

1.  Having a relationship with God is the most important relationship you could ever have- learn to pray, learn to listen to the Lord - you will be alright... and you will learn that I am strict with you and work so hard to make you listen to me, because if you can't listen to me (with a physical voice), you will never learn to listen to the Voice of the Lord when He speaks to you.

2.  You can do anything you set your mind to do.  Never listen to anyone who says you can't.  Just for kicks and giggles, show them you can.... but don't be afraid of the failure that might follow - and don't NOT try something because you are too afraid to fail.

3.  How to clean a house- including doing your own laundry and cleaning the toilets.

4.  basic mechanic work on a car

5.  how to ask for help

6.  Respect- there will come a day when your are no longer required to listen to me- until that point, you have to respect the rules that I have in place... I have a good reason for the rules I lay down.  And I will be happy to explain my reasoning... learn to respect others, learn to respect yourself.

7.  doing drugs is stupid... hooking up with a girl before you are married is something you will regret... getting drunk in public is dangerous -- dying your hair, wearing stupid clothes, piercing your ears, even tattoos are reversible... if you do something stupid, make sure the consequences are reversible.... and go to a reputable tattoo place if you are going to do any of that...

8.  don't do what everybody else is doing... blaze your own trail... dare to be different.

9.  do the right thing... always.

10.  don't be afraid of your feelings... God isn't... you shouldn't be either.

11. learn to play an instrument... paint a picture... listen to all genres of music -- be a little cultured.

12.  travel - you can learn a lot of important adaptive and problem solving skills when you travel.

13.  use some common sense... think things through before you do it and think about the consequences.

14.  I know that the brain is not fully developed until one is 21 years of age... up until that point, there will be things that I don't want you to do that your friends' parents are letting them do... so when you are off my insurance, you can decide what to do with your body... up to that point, I am responsible for you and I will not face the Lord and the first thing He says to me is "why did you let that happen to him?"  Refer to #6 and #7.

15.  never doubt that I love you.  Never.  second-guess that fact.

Parenting -or- seeing God in a different light

So this is gonna be a quick one because well, this is probably gonna be more like the opening to more blogs on this topic...

Working with kids, I see a lot of different parenting styles.  Now in my psychology classes in undergrad and grad school, we learned about the different parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved.  

I am more of the authoritative type: we have rules, you choose to break the rules, you have to suffer the consequences.  Some people may think I'm too harsh, but to them I say, come talk to me in 15 years and we'll see then...  I'm really NOT that harsh and I do rely on more positive reinforcement than negative reinforcement.

As Hero is getting older and into his school-aged years, he is coming into contact with more peers who are allowed to do things that he is not allowed to do.  Based on my knowledge-base and experiences, there are things that he is just not allowed to do... period... no discussion.  Also he is coming into contact with peers who negotiate.  And he thinks that he can negotiate with us.  Ha.  I just have to set that boundary... "have we met, son?  I do not negotiate on these issues."  

So here is my point for this particular blog now that I've set the stage:  do you know how exhausting it is to not be a permissive or uninvolved parent?  It is hard work.  How easy would it be to let Hero do WHATEVER he wanted to do WHENEVER he wants to do it!  I know that I have told Hero the same thing 50 times at least.  I know that when I say, "if you do this again, you will not be allowed to do {fill-in-the-blank}", that I HAVE to be consistent and take away his privilege... or I lose my authority in the situation.  Being an involved parent is so exhausting that when he goes to bed at night, I pour myself on the couch in a puddle and just re-charge for the next day.

So through this realization, I am beginning to understand what it takes for God to be an involved parent in my life... it's more work than I appreciate.  When I think He is being mean or cruel because something hasn't gone my way, as a child, I do not have the perspective of understanding all the forethought that's going into His decisions towards me.  Or the boundaries He has set for me.  

This realization is taking me down another rabbit hole of understanding His grace and love for me.  

requiem

I cannot imagine what this world will be like without him.  I cannot imagine how the hole in my heart will ever heal up.  I cannot imagine not hearing him laugh again.

Asa Emmanuel Rogers.  His mother gave him an impressive name without an impressive beginning.  He recounted his story to us a thousand times: he was forced to leave school in eighth grade to work to provide for his family... he went into the Air Force when he was the right age to enlist... he met my grandmother Frankie at the Coney Island Cafe in Hattiesburg... they married... they had my mom Lizz, my aunt Susie and my uncle Martin.  Then they married and me, my brother and my cousins came after.  Hero, Lily Kate, and Baby Williamson expanded and will expand the family circle further. 

The Lord cut this man from some tough material.  He always had his own opinion of how things should be and how he wanted them to be (and what is exactly wrong with that?).  And yet, he still supported us if our own decisions countered his opinion.  He supported us when we were up and he supported us when we were down.  He always had a strong sense of propriety and boundaries.  He taught us how to be our own person and to not apologize for our own peculiarities.  To embrace our individualism and yet be a part of our family.  To always do the right thing.  To always fight for injustice.  To always stay true to our beliefs.

As we have been going through these past few weeks, I have had to come to grips that I have not been able to travel back to Hattiesburg because of my pregnancy... so the last physical visit I had with him was at Thanksgiving.  It has been difficult for me not to be physically with my family... but as I was fighting a sense of guilt about it all, words from a mentor came back to me when I was grieving a loss 5 years ago-- and I realize that staying here in Phenix City was taking care of my unborn child... and doing so would bring him more honor than my traveling and putting myself and my unborn child in distress.  I express my grief through these words and I will express honor by continuing to be the kind of person that he is proud of.

I was driving to work Thursday morning as tears fell down my face, I heard the Lord speak to my heart and say, "He will be with Me in Heaven but a bit of him is in you." And I realized that he has indeed left a legacy... that not only has he left the physical traits in his children and me, my brother and my cousins, but even in Lily Kate and Hero... and I will see bits of him in this one yet to be born...  In our tenacity and strength, in our stubbornness, in our strong sense of propriety... all of these things, we will continue to live out and teach in our children.

As the oldest grandchild, I say to my brother and cousins, we have Asa's DNA, his chromosomes... he set a strong legacy for us to be successful and to make a difference in this world... we grieve for this time, but we do not grieve like those who have no hope... for not only do we know that we will see him one day again when we ourselves hit those pearly gates, but we see him each time we look in the mirror.

May the Lord God continue to be merciful to us and protect us during these grieving days...

--Jennifer "Buffy" Crosby Williamson