Parenting -or- seeing God in a different light

So this is gonna be a quick one because well, this is probably gonna be more like the opening to more blogs on this topic...

Working with kids, I see a lot of different parenting styles.  Now in my psychology classes in undergrad and grad school, we learned about the different parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved.  

I am more of the authoritative type: we have rules, you choose to break the rules, you have to suffer the consequences.  Some people may think I'm too harsh, but to them I say, come talk to me in 15 years and we'll see then...  I'm really NOT that harsh and I do rely on more positive reinforcement than negative reinforcement.

As Hero is getting older and into his school-aged years, he is coming into contact with more peers who are allowed to do things that he is not allowed to do.  Based on my knowledge-base and experiences, there are things that he is just not allowed to do... period... no discussion.  Also he is coming into contact with peers who negotiate.  And he thinks that he can negotiate with us.  Ha.  I just have to set that boundary... "have we met, son?  I do not negotiate on these issues."  

So here is my point for this particular blog now that I've set the stage:  do you know how exhausting it is to not be a permissive or uninvolved parent?  It is hard work.  How easy would it be to let Hero do WHATEVER he wanted to do WHENEVER he wants to do it!  I know that I have told Hero the same thing 50 times at least.  I know that when I say, "if you do this again, you will not be allowed to do {fill-in-the-blank}", that I HAVE to be consistent and take away his privilege... or I lose my authority in the situation.  Being an involved parent is so exhausting that when he goes to bed at night, I pour myself on the couch in a puddle and just re-charge for the next day.

So through this realization, I am beginning to understand what it takes for God to be an involved parent in my life... it's more work than I appreciate.  When I think He is being mean or cruel because something hasn't gone my way, as a child, I do not have the perspective of understanding all the forethought that's going into His decisions towards me.  Or the boundaries He has set for me.  

This realization is taking me down another rabbit hole of understanding His grace and love for me.  

requiem

I cannot imagine what this world will be like without him.  I cannot imagine how the hole in my heart will ever heal up.  I cannot imagine not hearing him laugh again.

Asa Emmanuel Rogers.  His mother gave him an impressive name without an impressive beginning.  He recounted his story to us a thousand times: he was forced to leave school in eighth grade to work to provide for his family... he went into the Air Force when he was the right age to enlist... he met my grandmother Frankie at the Coney Island Cafe in Hattiesburg... they married... they had my mom Lizz, my aunt Susie and my uncle Martin.  Then they married and me, my brother and my cousins came after.  Hero, Lily Kate, and Baby Williamson expanded and will expand the family circle further. 

The Lord cut this man from some tough material.  He always had his own opinion of how things should be and how he wanted them to be (and what is exactly wrong with that?).  And yet, he still supported us if our own decisions countered his opinion.  He supported us when we were up and he supported us when we were down.  He always had a strong sense of propriety and boundaries.  He taught us how to be our own person and to not apologize for our own peculiarities.  To embrace our individualism and yet be a part of our family.  To always do the right thing.  To always fight for injustice.  To always stay true to our beliefs.

As we have been going through these past few weeks, I have had to come to grips that I have not been able to travel back to Hattiesburg because of my pregnancy... so the last physical visit I had with him was at Thanksgiving.  It has been difficult for me not to be physically with my family... but as I was fighting a sense of guilt about it all, words from a mentor came back to me when I was grieving a loss 5 years ago-- and I realize that staying here in Phenix City was taking care of my unborn child... and doing so would bring him more honor than my traveling and putting myself and my unborn child in distress.  I express my grief through these words and I will express honor by continuing to be the kind of person that he is proud of.

I was driving to work Thursday morning as tears fell down my face, I heard the Lord speak to my heart and say, "He will be with Me in Heaven but a bit of him is in you." And I realized that he has indeed left a legacy... that not only has he left the physical traits in his children and me, my brother and my cousins, but even in Lily Kate and Hero... and I will see bits of him in this one yet to be born...  In our tenacity and strength, in our stubbornness, in our strong sense of propriety... all of these things, we will continue to live out and teach in our children.

As the oldest grandchild, I say to my brother and cousins, we have Asa's DNA, his chromosomes... he set a strong legacy for us to be successful and to make a difference in this world... we grieve for this time, but we do not grieve like those who have no hope... for not only do we know that we will see him one day again when we ourselves hit those pearly gates, but we see him each time we look in the mirror.

May the Lord God continue to be merciful to us and protect us during these grieving days...

--Jennifer "Buffy" Crosby Williamson