This blog entry is a response to the MOB Society's "No More Angry MOBs" group on Facebook- just trying to get this strategy on paper. My internal checklist has only been worked out in the
last few weeks as I have been re-couperating from my third C-section delivery
and having a newborn in the house… a new 2 year old… and a 6.5 year old… my
husband… a children’s television production… hubby working on the weekends… me
working during the week… But I find that
I’m adding more things to stop and think about.
And that the Lord has been great to give me these checks in my spirit to
heal this area of my life is awesome. I
am not 100% not yelling yet… but I’m getting there… and I’m praying that the
Lord will heal whatever yelling has damaged in my sons. I didn’t mean to hurt them in this way… I
just thought it was a discipline tool to be used as well as moments when my
nerves were just shot that I was desperate for it to stop that I… uhm… lost it….
This moment is the first that I’ve put it down on
paper. I’m sure it will get revised
several times.
This checklist is an accumulation of revelations, a challenge
from the M.O.B. Society and a loving Father God… so here’s what I think about
before I yell:
1. Is the behavior
life-or-death/someone will get hurt or not life-or-death?
If the situation is dangerous, make immediate movements to
get your child in a safe place. I hope it goes without saying that if someone is getting hurt, then it's got to stop immediately... this checklist is for those times that my hormones are getting the best of me.
If the situation is not life-or-death, take a deep breath
and go to #2.
As my mom would say, “pick yer battles.”
2. Is there something in me
that needs attention that is making me angry and making me want to yell?
-Am I hungry? Then eat something
-Am I sleepy? Then make plans to get some rest ASAP or drink
some coffee – change the environment to get some exercise or fresh air.
-Am I sick? Then take some medicine and/or ask for help
-Am I overstimulated? – for me, it’s too much noise I’ve joked about getting ear plugs, but I
find myself doing some of these things instead: turn off the t.v., moving to
another room, cover my ears, say “shhh!
Let’s whisper!”
-Am I frustrated because the house is a mess? I was
complaining to my grandmother that my house was always so messy and I was
frustrated that I couldn’t get anything done.
My grandmother told me: “Shug, Southern Livin’ is not comin’ anytime
soon! So shut the doors to the bedrooms and
get down on the floor and play with those babies! They won’t be little much longer and you can
have a clean house like mine!” Needless
to say that’s become one of my mottos: “Southern Livin’ ain't comin’ anytime
soon… so I’ll leave that mess for another day, Scarlett!”
-Am I multi-tasking and getting frustrated because everyone
else is playing or because my attention is divided into 4 different places? Then delegate, Buffy! This also has given me some chances to reward
my eldest’s good behavior (and participation and teamwork) with class dojo
points which he loves (we are working towards a trip to chucky cheese)! And he's becoming great at some basic life skills!
-Am I frustrated because I need something but I’m not sure
what? I turn to my husband or friend…
“I’m frustrated, but I don’t know why.”
If any of these questions get answered, don’t yell.
3. Is my child trying to tell me something and he doesn’t
have the words to tell me? Try to figure
it out and meet his need. Don’t yell.
4. If I don’t have needs that need to be met and my child
doesn’t have needs that need to be met, and he’s just being defiant… then
what’s a consequence that will having meaning to deter the behavior? Time out?
Short verbal warning paired with a sign for my 2 year old (“no touch!” +
sign for “no” to engage his visual sense)?
Taking away a privilege? I’ll
figure something out, but don’t yell.
So like I said, I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better…
and praying over my boys more when they start to whine and before things
dissolve into a bigger issue- at the start of the day and in the heat of the moment: I busted out with "Lord Jesus, help!" or a random worship song. Thanks to
the M.O.B. Society for addressing this issue and Praise to the Lord who always
brings the right thing to me at the right time.
