There's a lot going on in my world right now. Some really good, some not optimal and some are really hard right now to bear, but the outcome will be really good. I am easily overwhelmed by the magnitude of what lies ahead of me. And before the first tear can even fall, I stop myself. I made a decision a long time ago to follow Jesus. I also told Him that I would do what He asked of me. When I first started out after having made that promise, I tried so desperately to do what He had asked of me in my own strength and I failed. But as I started to learn that I couldn't do the task within myself, the goal was reached.
The obstacles I am facing now, I could easily take the reigns and "fix them" myself. The result would probably be acceptable, but I know, now that it would probably be sub par. It definitely wouldn't be what God wanted. There's a lot of asking "why" while I am facing these obstacles. I do not understand the twists in the path at times. I am confused by other people's behaviors. I am confused by my own reactions.
But here is my revelation for this Friday night, however convoluted the conclusion came to me: in making my decision to follow Him and allowing Him to be Lord of my life, I am not going to understand why the path takes the turns it takes. I think about Much-Afraid being seemingly led away from the High Places when the path turns back on itself and how frustrated and angry and confused she felt {Hinds' Feet on High Places}. She learned in the end that the Shepherd had a reason, but in the moment, it was hard to show grace and obedience. And the second part of this revelation is that (and this is hard to type and to "hear" myself), since I made that decision, that means that I agreed to trust Him. So the pain, confusion, fear, and anger that I am fighting through now, it's part of the ride right now. The good news to that kind of revelation is that Jesus promised to be with us along the way [Isaiah 43, Matthew 11:28-30]. He doesn't leave me to wallow in this forever.
A story comes to mind: Hero was not very motivated to walk. He had been cruising forever and his first birthday came without his having taken a step by himself. So a week after his first birthday, he crawled over to where I was sitting on the floor eating some chocolate pudding. He crawled up on me, and said, "peeze" to make a request for a bite of pudding. Well, I promptly scooted back a few steps. He stood wobbly with a surprised look on his chubby face- "what? you just left me hangin', Momma!" I encouraged him, "take a step! If you want some puddin', come on over here." Well, he took a step. And another. And another. We did this for several turns. He took three steps, he got a bite. Some mothers would call DFACS on me for cruelty, but there comes a point where he needed to be "pushed" a bit. And I think since God wants us to be mature and to bring Him glory He is going to "push" us a bit. I mean, what would the Kingdom of God be like if we all sat around crying for spiritual milk? Dysfunction Junction.
So don't lose hope, and I won't either. It's easy to get down when we are battle worn... I am feeling a bit battle worn some days... But look around to see who the Lord may have put in your path to help you along the way... and look up... He is right there.
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