"One Bitter Root"

Whenever evil befalls us, we ought to ask ourselves, after the first suffering, how we can turn it into good. So shall we take occasion, from one bitter root, to raise perhaps many flowers.
Leigh Hunt
English author & editor (1784 - 1859)


The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.
Thomas Merton
US religious author, clergyman, & Trappist monk (1915 - 1968)



Today is September 11, 2011.  Ten years ago was September 11, 2000.  I was 23 years old.  I was working for a private speech-language therapy clinic in Columbus, GA.  I was waiting for my first client to show up.  But he did not.  I did not receive a phone call as to why.  As the other speech therapists and I waited for our clients, one mother called.  There had been an attack in New York.  I think all the other clients cancelled the rest of that day.  We found a television and sat and watched as the towers fell.  My heart crumpled into a million pieces.  That Friday a small group gathered at Christ Community to pray.  I needed some comfort and a sense that God was in control.  I hated hearing all this "America's turned its back on God" rhetoric.  "Not helping," I thought at the time.  Every American suffered to some extent on that day.

Today, during the church service at Christ Community, we paused to pay tribute to those who lost their lives and to those who are currently serving our nation and communities.  Our pastor made 4 excellent points on the subject of suffering and referenced 2 Corinthians 1:3-5: 1) we all will suffer, 2) God is ready to comfort us in our suffering, 3) the suffering God allows is always purposeful, and 4) we are giving a ministry of comfort (so that we may demonstrate God's love through ministering to those who are hurting).

As he went through each point, I could not help put stop to contemplate my own sufferings.  I apologize for the morbidity and bare truth that I am about to share.  But it is what it is.  Rather is was what it was.

I strangely map the dates that tragic events occur-
-May 26, 1994, my friend was killed in a car accident at 16
-May 12, 2000: my dad walked out on us
-September 22, 2006: I had a miscarriage (then October 17, totaled my car and then November 22, contracted a staph infection)

Each event has a sad story.  Each event has a God-story.  I think the September 22 event changed me the most.  What fascinated me today during the sermon was that I thought about the thousands of ways that God showed His love to me during that event... not so much the tragic nature of it all... but just that in my pain- so deep, so intense, so instinctive- He never left my side.  Not for one instant.  And how the 4 points that Keith shared with us this morning are so true.

In our pain, there is a choice to be made.  It's a hard choice, but it's one that needs to be made.  During each of these three sad events of my life, I had to chose to survive.  America had to chose to survive these attacks.

Don't think that I'm saying that I snapped my fingers or ran down to the alter and was magically healed.  So, the first move was, I chose to eat a meal.  Then I chose to go to sleep that night.  Then when I woke, despite the breath-taking ache in my heart and my body, I chose to get up and take a deep breath.  I chose to brush my teeth.  I chose to get dressed.  I felt the overwhelming tug of depression wanting to take me under.  That's not to say that I didn't allow myself to feel the sadness.  Because I did.  When I wanted to cry, I cried.  When I felt mad, I was angry.  When I wanted to not talk about it, I didn't.  When I wanted to bury something, I planted a rose bush.  I did not ignore my feelings... much to the chagrin of fellow Christians who threw cliches at me like they were putting a blanket on a child with lice.  But I was honest with God about how I was feeling.

This is what I learned during and after this time:
--God's ways are not our ways- we don't understand why He allows something to happen.  I conceived a child 3 months after I had that miscarriage and carried him to term.  He is 4 years old today.  No idea why God allowed me to lose the first one.  And quiet frankly, no answer is satisfactory to me.  Even though I probably would have lost that child in the car wreck the next month... I have a hard time accepting "why" it happened.  Because I can't find an answer that satisfies that.  That's a question I had to file into the "I'll understand when I get to Heaven."  And really the answer is inconsequential at this point.  I struggled with the idea that my God, my Abba, was a cruel puppet master.  But I came to understand and to know that God was not trying to be cruel... that sometimes bad things happen to good people... that He loved me so very deeply regardless of what life brings to me.

-- that our faulty theology often gets in the way of the true God... we get disappointed in God because bad things happen.  My mom used to say, "Life's hard and then you die."  It was her way of trying to tell me that sometimes bad things just happen.  But we think because we are so cerebral and modern that these things shouldn't happen to us... that because we are Christians that we shouldn't suffer... we should all live in big houses and have expensive cars... have we read the same Bible?  It's full of suffering...  I can't think of one passage that says, "It was all rainbows and unicorns and bubbles for so-and-so.  He sat on his couch and ate bon bons till he died..." 

--God never promised us an easy ride... He said He would be with us- even in the valley of the shadow of death.

--God is okay with my "negative" emotions.  It doesn't scare Him for me to be sad, angry, depressed, confused, whatever.  I think it saddens Him if we stay in this state for long because we miss out on so much staying in this state.  But He genuinely wants us to come to Him so He can help us through this.

--Christian cliches are annoying and I try hard to avoid using them now... it's not helpful to hear, "well, God has a reason for this."  Not helpful.  It's a band aid for the pain when surgery is required.  I know that it's said with good intentions for situations that there is really nothing say... but it just caused me more despair to hear it.

--He loves me... Oh, how He loves me... Oh, how He loves me... Oh, how He loves!  He proved it when He died on the Cross.  Period.  Regardless of how this life ebbs and flows.  He loves me.



"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it" (Keller). 


“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” - unknown

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us” - Emerson

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" -Mary Anne Radmacher


Whenever evil befalls us, we ought to ask ourselves, after the first suffering, how we can turn it into good. So shall we take occasion, from one bitter root, to raise perhaps many flowers.
Leigh Hunt
English author & editor (1784 - 1859)


What flowers will the Lord be able to raise in my life from the bitter root of my sufferings?  What flowers has He raised already?  If nothing else, I have a very deep understanding and knowledge of His love for me.  I pray it is so with you.