Lost

During these past few weeks, I've realized that I feel a bit lost... it's not a bad kind of "lost" -- just one that if not addressed and attended to, I could become bitter at my current role in life.  Which I do NOT want to do.  I struggled with this when I was first married and had a whole new role added to "Me."  It was daunting trying to figure out what was expected of "Me."  And I find the same is true with becoming a mother.  Both of these roles, I cherish.  When I was 18 years old, I never, ever thought I would be married... and I never thought I would have children... And I recognize those two blessings... despite the fact that I whig out a bit at change.  Okay, whig out a bunch at change.  I do seriously get petrified sometimes.

But at this point, I feel so lost because I've been so down in my body for 23 weeks... and I've got 17 more to go in this pregnancy.  I won't complain about the pain I am feeling because I know that for every refluxed moment, baby's just kicked the crap out of me... and that makes me smile.  The morning sickness, the nausea... are all working together for an amazing miracle (now, there's a sermon right there).

So I've vowed to find myself again in some things that I LOVE to do... since I can't sing for a bit (sciatic nerve pain), I've turned to painting and to Star Wars and to discovering new music and books (which I am working to find time to do for that last one)... so here's my latest art piece as a Christmas present to my hubby.

I am finding the fine art of confessing my fears to the Lord about this time of my life and allowing Him to minister to me through my friends and church and family and music... yes, it hurts... yes, the past month of my life has been filled with a ton of inconveniences (which adds more worry and fears)... but He is near and I am at peace...