Saturday, February 9, 2013

anniversarys

I don't know the plural for "anniversary."  All I know is that they suck.  For me, they kick my spiritual rear end.  I can tell you the date and almost the time that tragedies have stuck me.  For the ones that hit a long time ago, the scar is still on my spiritual DNA and although I'm not in the bed over it, I do get a twinge of memories and sadness.  Others are still super-fresh.  Like this one.  I miss my Pa so much still.  I can still hear his voice.  I can still smell his smell.

So does this make me a bad Christian because I'm not completely healed of this one?  Maybe.  But I don't think so.  I've come to a place where I believe that feeling negative feelings are just that: feelings.  And God's not peering at me over His gigantic glasses, "tsk"-ing me at my unbelief and my inability to let go.  He's wrapping His gigantic arms around me...

So I'm holding on tight to His grace and mercy as these tears continue to flow.  Lord, help me.

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