To my sons when they are 18

Dear sons,

At this point, you three are almost 7, 2 and 5 months old.  Our time together is going by fast and I do everything I can do to store up these memories of your childhood.  

I keep thinking of the days when you will transition into manhood.  And I want to make that transition as easy as possible for you.  This isn't typically an easy time.  Moms freak out; dads sull up.

And I've been trying to understand why.  Why is this so hard to let go?  This is supposed to happen.  
I've been praying and thinking and I think I know why this happens:
the world is so scary and there will come a point where I can't defend you anymore.
And what am I supposed to do with that?   I mean the very idea of some girl breaking your heart or some guy trying to bully you just makes me see red.  It makes me want to fight.

But I won't be able to.
And that makes me mad.

As you walk into the school building to first grade to a new teacher... as you run away from me at the zoo... as you crawl and reach for things that will hurt you...

So what am I to do?
What can I do?
Well, I can't stop this process from happening. I can't keep you little.

But I can...

I can teach you to fight for yourself.

I can introduce you to the One who heals all your hurts.

I can pray for you.

I can trust that God will honor my dedicating you at the altar when you were a baby.

The truth is people will make comments about your growing up so fast but that will make you feel guilty for doing so.  But it's really a lament that as you get older, it's more difficult to protect you.  And that makes us sad.  And mad.  And scared.

But now I am not so mad or sad or scared because if we have Jesus on our side, then everything's gonna be alright.  I have to trust that He has His angels protecting you and that the shed blood of Jesus intervenes on your behalf.  I have to trust that God is already in tomorrow ahead of you three.

So I am preparing myself for the day you grow up and move out.  I know I will cry and you will just have to give me that.  Change is hard for me.  You each are so precious to me and I thank God for the privilege to be your mommy.  I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.

Love,

Mommy

(Buffy)

windows

A person's behavior is a window to the state of his soul.

This is true for chidlren, adults, male and female.  

I used to think that a person's negative behavior towards me had something to do with me not being worthy enough to be treated well.

But this is not true...

This outward negative expression is a symptom of inner turmoil.

The same is true for someone who is at peace...  His actions and words towards his fellow man is full of manna...

I am fully aware that this is an area of my life that has caution tape wrapped around it.  This is an area that I am really working on: not responding negatively when I get hurt...  Not taking my anger out on someone else... Not feeling worthless when others lash out at me... Life has been super challenging lately and I haven't been great at responding to the stress...

But I am encouraged by the fact that the Lord is strong in my weakness and loving towards discipling me.  And patient.  And kind.  And that He loves me anyway.

creative God

Being a mom is about taking every pre-conceived idea and just tossing it out the window…

Everything you THINK WILL happen- WON’T.

Everything you THINK SHOULD happen- WON’T.

Everything you WANT to happen- WON’T… at least, not the WAY you want it to.

You see, I am learning that when we put ourselves in God’s hands, He gets a kick out of the new material that He gets to mold… so He stretches and pulls and swishes us across the canvas of life until we are perfect for His Kingdom. 

In the same way, we have to become more creative in our approach to life… 

I think that God places situations in our way to force our creative edge…

“Oh, here’s your window busted out… what are you going to do to get it fixed?”  “Oh, there’s a food stain on your shirt that your 3 year old put there and your boss and his wife are at your door for dinner.”  “Oh, there’s Ms. McNasty again to try your nerves, how are you going to show her My love.”  “Oh your 6 year old is back talking for the millionth time today… how are you going to change your approach to him?”  FILL IN THE BLANK

   This is my revelation for today…

That God places circumstances in our way to force our creative edge… 

That's not to say that this is a way to keep from relying on Him... I mean, what's more amazing than to see His creative solutions to our problems... truly, when a circumstance hits, I've lost control.  If I were in control, that wouldn't have happened in the first place!  

But if we stop and don't respond out of a place of our own flesh, we see that the King of Glory has truly given us resources and insights and has better way to do things. Inspired by God, maybe?  Definitely, a creative God who longs for us to see Him as the Artist that He is. 

Which leads me to another point that I think we need more Christian art... The art world used to be driven by religious-themed art, but now the art world has been over-taken by the enemy.  So support Christian artists especially when they go into the world.  It takes a lot of guts and we need more quality Christ-themed art: music, television shows, movies, paintings, sculptures, writings...  I, for one, long for more.  And I long for my children to have more options when it comes to art forms.  

Maybe this makes sense... maybe it doesn't... I've just seen God's creativity come out in the solutions to my circumstances lately... which has changed my response to circumstances....for the better, I hope. 

"you've got to cool it down"

This blog entry is a response to the MOB Society's "No More Angry MOBs" group on Facebook- just trying to get this strategy on paper. My internal checklist has only been worked out in the last few weeks as I have been re-couperating from my third C-section delivery and having a newborn in the house… a new 2 year old… and a 6.5 year old… my husband… a children’s television production… hubby working on the weekends… me working during the week…  But I find that I’m adding more things to stop and think about.  And that the Lord has been great to give me these checks in my spirit to heal this area of my life is awesome.  I am not 100% not yelling yet… but I’m getting there… and I’m praying that the Lord will heal whatever yelling has damaged in my sons.  I didn’t mean to hurt them in this way… I just thought it was a discipline tool to be used as well as moments when my nerves were just shot that I was desperate for it to stop that I… uhm… lost it….

This moment is the first that I’ve put it down on paper.  I’m sure it will get revised several times.

This checklist is an accumulation of revelations, a challenge from the M.O.B. Society and a loving Father God… so here’s what I think about before I yell:

1.  Is the behavior life-or-death/someone will get hurt or not life-or-death?

If the situation is dangerous, make immediate movements to get your child in a safe place.  I hope it goes without saying that if someone is getting hurt, then it's got to stop immediately... this checklist is for those times that my hormones are getting the best of me.

If the situation is not life-or-death, take a deep breath and go to #2.

As my mom would say, “pick yer battles.”

2. Is there something in me that needs attention that is making me angry and making me want to yell?

-Am I hungry? Then eat something

-Am I sleepy? Then make plans to get some rest ASAP or drink some coffee – change the environment to get some exercise or fresh air.

-Am I sick? Then take some medicine and/or ask for help

-Am I overstimulated? – for me, it’s too much noise  I’ve joked about getting ear plugs, but I find myself doing some of these things instead: turn off the t.v., moving to another room, cover my ears, say “shhh!  Let’s whisper!”

-Am I frustrated because the house is a mess? I was complaining to my grandmother that my house was always so messy and I was frustrated that I couldn’t get anything done.  My grandmother told me: “Shug, Southern Livin’ is not comin’ anytime soon!  So shut the doors to the bedrooms and get down on the floor and play with those babies!  They won’t be little much longer and you can have a clean house like mine!”  Needless to say that’s become one of my mottos: “Southern Livin’ ain't comin’ anytime soon… so I’ll leave that mess for another day, Scarlett!” 

-Am I multi-tasking and getting frustrated because everyone else is playing or because my attention is divided into 4 different places?  Then delegate, Buffy!  This also has given me some chances to reward my eldest’s good behavior (and participation and teamwork) with class dojo points which he loves (we are working towards a trip to chucky cheese)!  And he's becoming great at some basic life skills!

-Am I frustrated because I need something but I’m not sure what?  I turn to my husband or friend… “I’m frustrated, but I don’t know why.”

If any of these questions get answered, don’t yell.

3. Is my child trying to tell me something and he doesn’t have the words to tell me?  Try to figure it out and meet his need.   Don’t yell.

4. If I don’t have needs that need to be met and my child doesn’t have needs that need to be met, and he’s just being defiant… then what’s a consequence that will having meaning to deter the behavior?  Time out?  Short verbal warning paired with a sign for my 2 year old (“no touch!” + sign for “no” to engage his visual sense)?  Taking away a privilege?   I’ll figure something out, but don’t yell.

So like I said, I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better… and praying over my boys more when they start to whine and before things dissolve into a bigger issue- at the start of the day and in the heat of the moment: I busted out with "Lord Jesus, help!"  or a random worship song.  Thanks to the M.O.B. Society for addressing this issue and Praise to the Lord who always brings the right thing to me at the right time. 

He is jealous for me

Faith like a child

I found this index card on my kitchen counter tonight.  My eldest had written it.  Not sure why he wrote it but I found it... I was so blessed by the reminder... Literally a postcard from God.

"You're perfect for the part"

My third boy joined our family on February 18.  I had someone ask me today: "how are you handling having 3 kids now?  I mean I can't imagine what kind of stress that must be!  And three boys!  And a 2 year old!  With a newborn!"

I started to panic.  Yeah how was I gonna handle this?   .....

I was watching a movie this afternoon.  The lead told the bully character: "I want you to take a look at this script.  I think you'd be perfect for a part."

The bully's demeanor changed... "Really?"

It made me think:  what if I clearly heard God say to me- you are perfect for this part....