10,000 Reasons

A song has recently been introduced into the worship music repertoire at Christ Community:  10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman .  Beautiful song.  Thoughtfully written.  Lyrically solid.  Theologically solid.  We sang it today and when we got to the line about "For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing... 10,000 reasons for my heart to find."  My first thought was "Lord, if I only had the one- Your death on the Cross... I would still sing your praises till I'm hoarse..."  Then our worship leader prayed that we indeed could find 10,000 reasons to worship Him... and indeed, I could...

My desire to lift Him up in worship does not conceal the fact that I have issues to deal with... in fact, my coming to the altar to worship Him often exposes my weaknesses and failings.  I don't sing because I'm perfect.  I sing because I am redeemed.  I sing because I am deeply loved... loved enough for Him to come down to the mud and mire and put me on solid ground. 

I am seriously thinking of putting down all the reasons He's given to me... I would love to see the number soar to 10,000... hopefully, thinking of your 10,000 reasons will take you to a place to soul searching for Him to pull out another root of fill-in-the-blank so that we are no longer entangled with the bondage of ourselves.... so then you can have 10,001 reasons to sing "for all Your goodness." 

Life is Like a Game of Solitaire

I know what a nerdy, loner I will sound like when I admit this, but I regularly play games of Solitaire on my computer.  For some reason, it calms me down and re-focuses me when I get overwhelmed and stressed out.  So I recently realized that during one of my Solitaire blitzes, that life is a lot like this game... 
The strategy is simple, but hard to maintain: 

#1: you have to stop and look at all your options before you make a move- being hasty can get you into a lock-out and you have to take a new hand.
#2: pulling a bad card- one you can't use- doesn't mean that you will lose the hand- if you keep at the game, you will find a spot for that card eventually
#3:  it's okay to lose a hand... failure often causes us to re-focus and plan better for the next go-round
#4: don't give up... if you give up after the first hand, you can't ever win.

when the rollercoaster becomes a carousel

I've never been a fan of roller coasters, but I've never been one to turn down a dare either.  So early in my relationship with Heath, he took me to Six Flags.  And dared me to ride the roller coasters with him.  I was petrified.  But I got on anyway. 

My 20s was a lot like that roller coaster.  Lots of spiritual ups and downs.  Lots of life's ups and downs.  Lots of experiencing and making mistakes.  And getting up and trying again. 

But now in my 30s, life is very different.  Especially since I've become a mother.  I sat next to a friend this morning after a refreshing church service.  And we noted how much of the daily grind is just kinda getting to us... thank God for a fresh Word from the pulpit this morning and from prayer week this past week. 

So what do we do when the roller coaster of life becomes a carousel?  Not that any of what is happening in my life is bad... it's just repetitive.  I long for an adventure.  And, yet, the Lord has me here:  My husband is very active in ministry and the Lord has recently put me on the ministry sidelines.  Again, not necessarily bad... but different... and so daily.

Two revelations this week that I think will take me through this:  During praying week at Christ Community, the Lord reminded me that my life is for an Audience of One.  If I never get any accolade or recognition (which I usually don't), would I do the things that I do unto Him?  If for all the rest of my life, the only chance I get to sing is in my car on the way to and from work... do I sing unto Him?

And the second thing was that God longs to be the Lord of the small things... IN the small things... 

And yet, when I think about how BIG God is and how really small I am (cosmically and spiritually speaking)... then I am truly humbled that He would pay attention to me at all...  
 
I look forward to seeing Him show up this week... And I will be thankful that He blesses me with His presence...

the 30s

One of my students made a smart-alack remark this week about my being older than dinosaurs.  It was really funny, because I'm only 33.  Whether a kid has a speech-language impairment or not, his idea of reality is always a bit skewed.  Which of course got me reflecting on my 30s vs. my 20s.  Granted I've not had a long life.  But I've had a challenging life.  So I'm not completely ignorant.  People have joked with me that I have an old soul... maybe that's why I like film noir....

Anywhoo... so, I was thinking about how in my 20s, Heath and I would get into all kinds of mischief.  Nothing bad really.  But we'd decide on Thursday to go out of town on Friday and we'd just go.  I wouldn't consider the consequences of my actions... I'd just do it.  Now, I stop and think and weigh my options and think about what Dave Ramsey would say.  And I have to factor in Hero's bed time...  It's just enough to say, "aw, I'm too tired to even care to do that."

Things have changed a lot too, with my relationship with Christ... I think the biggest thing is that I really do weigh a situation with the fruits of the Spirit... I am working really hard to bear fruit in my life.  I'm trying.  I'm not there yet.  But I'm trying.  And as a result I feel love, joy, peace, and patience... working on the others: kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. 

Philippians 1:6 (The Message):  There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

Small

Today, I am feeling kind of small and thinking about all the things and people that I've lost in my life.  I'm not looking for flattery nor am I fishing for a compliment, because by the end of this blog, I'll bring it back around...

With Facebook and all the social media that we've got out there, it's easy to look around and hear Beck's "I'm a Loser" playing in the background.  So many people get to do so many big things... and I'm "stuck" here...  it's easy to be bogged down in the routine of every day and it's easy to get discouraged when there are so many drama-seekers who are seeking drama from me.  It just wears on me after a while.  Especially when I've stood up for myself and those people continue to act the same way...  *sigh*...

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that, despite what other people are saying about me or trying to get out of me, I know that the God of the Universe is with me.  I saw Him this week in the most unlikely places.  I see Him everyday when I look at my precious son.  And I know that I'm not perfect and I know that He wishes that I would be a better person... but I'm trying... and I trust that He is going to help me through this Valley of the Shadow of Death.

worry wart

I am, by nature, a worry wart... It's in my DNA.  I don't know if it's the first child curse or what, but I tend to worry about things.  But as time goes on, I realize that worrying is really saying to God: "Hey, You can't do this for me."  For some reason, I always thought, "well, God's to big to care about this one... so I'll take care of it."  But of course, I worried my way through the situation or in the end, came back to Christ with the problem anyway. 

Last week, I was worrying about a situation... and I started praying... and it was like, "Buffy, what's worrying about it going to do about this situation?  Worrying is not going to change it... you can't send out your brain waves to change this."  And I stopped worrying about it.  And just have to trust that it'll be okay.