dream

the pictures from our reunion popped up on facebook this morning

and I spied my Dream mug on the counter...

at christmas I got this Dream mug as a gift and I felt the Lord tell me I needed to dream again. 

I scoffed at the idea but I was intrigued:

the circumstances of my life lead me to believe that I was not worthy to DREAM. Feelings of unworthiness, for me, comes from abandonments and betrayals. I’m even talking about the ghosting that shouldn’t hurt so bad but it does. The people that I pour in to who just throws the drink back in my face. I’d retreated to tend my wounds.

January, February, March: my youngest started exhibiting strange behaviors and we had to shut down to figure out what was going on.

Anyway I struggled to DREAM- and the plans I made seemed so far-fetched! I just knew I wasn’t going to participate- I knew my friends didn’t really want me around and they were simply tolerating me.... on top of those who ghosted and abandoned me! (p.s. these are lies I know but I struggle with self doubt)

And then. last Sunday. I could see the enemy from around the corner of my Jericho... this Jericho was a strong hold in my life- a building that represented rejection and loathing... bitterness coursed through my veins at the ghosts who haunted the halls.... My husband sat next to me in service. Communion was called and after we dunked the bread, he veered towards the alter and kneeled down. I stood beside him. A friend prayed for us and prayed a prophetic prayer to let us know that the Checker Shoe Band dream was not done and by default the secret dreams of my heart. 

And. Jericho. Fell. Down.

As the dust is settling, I see that with all of our diet changes our family is healthier physically and spiritually... I see my emotional reactions being more level and less reactionary.... I feel better in my thought processes.... My sons’ behaviors have normalized...

So now I dream about this weekend with my girlfriends to celebrate our 40 birthdays... I dream about success for my sons at school... I dream of more opportunities for the Checker Shoe Band... I can dream as a child of the God of the Universe who fought Death, Hell and the Grave for me. and for you. 

See the enemy wants us to look at our circumstances and he says to us: well, your life is not optimal... family and friends are sick, you are sick, bad things are happening in the world, your children are misbehaving, your spouse is distant, your bank account is empty, your house is shabby, your cars are subpar... and everyone is looking at you waiting for you to fail.

Well, today, I say, even if those things are true (and they are not), so what? I’ve got to stop worrying about what people think of me and focus on God’s truth of who I am in Him. And the truth of who He is. And recognize the people in my life who truly have my back and let the rest go. 

Keep marching around your Jericho.

Walk.

Run if you can.

Crawl if you must.

And one day you will get the call to stop and shout praises.

And the walls will come down by His mighty hand.