abandon vs. surrender

So during this COVID season, I am trying really hard to keep my cool and look for the upside of all this... I'm not gonna lie: being in a small house with 4 other people, trying to work and be mom all at the same time.... it's exhausting... and overwhelming.... and when I get exhausted and overwhelmed, well... I snap. My nickname isn't Mr. Furious for nothing....

I sat at my kitchen table this morning with a cup of coffee, my journal, and Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. Not because I'm a super Christian. But because I desperately miss going to church every Sunday. And, of course, today's entry was just what I needed. From Matthew 6:25... "do not worry about your life..." "Don't take the pressure of your provision upon yourself..."

The last line struck me though:

"The greatest word of Jesus to His disciples is abandon."

Y'all know that I love words- one of the reasons I became a speech therapist... so it struck me that Chambers chose to say "abandon" instead of "surrender."

"Surrender" brings to my mind an old western with the masked gunman demanding innocent bystanders to "put 'em up" while he robs the stage coach. "Surrender" conjures up ideas of "giving up unwillingly."

But the word "abandon".... well... that makes me think of something more adventurous! As if it's my choice all along to give up on everything this world is demanding of me and jump headlong into the River of His grace and love and float there... all day... without a care in the world... 

Now balancing this while being asked to be mother and SLP working from home all at the same time... well, I'm practicing how to make that all work... and I'm thankful for the grace and love my men show me every single day. 

I think I like the idea of "abandon" over the idea of "surrender"... I mean, I know really it's splitting hairs on the meanings of the words... but as I abandon the pressures and worries, I think "the things of this earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His Glory and Grace."